Bleh

I feel like I should somehow explain my current absence from this blog. But I don't have any good excuses. Last week I was painting, which is a semi-excuse, as things were a little torn apart here in the bedroom, but mostly I've just been feeling uninspired. I've been having more mad/sad moments lately than I really care to share. I'm hating Albuquerque more than I have been for awhile. Tonight is my mom's birthday, and they're having cake at Boobecca's, Katy bringing her date du jour. And I'm missing it. It really makes me want to bawl. I'm realizing that blogging is the best way I have of keeping in touch with my sweet sisters, and I am dropping the ball. I check on their sites every day, and cherish the insights they give me into their lives. So, in the spirit of giving it the ole college try, I'll eek out a quick recap of the goings on here in the Krause House.

School seems to be going well for Madeline. At the beginning of last week, I was worrying because her work was being sent home sadly uncompleted. I was worried that we were going to go through the whole issue of her not being willing to work at school again. Those worries seem to have been unfounded, thank god. Her last few days of work last week were stellar. I can tell she's really trying hard and doing everything as she's supposed to. Her teacher actually told me she's one of the top students in the class. YAY!!! We're still battling in the mornings, this morning being particularly heinous, but in general she seems happier, and more willing to be compliant when I ask her to. Zach is happy to have mom and the house to himself for most of the day, although it hasn't made him learn how to crap in the toilet any quicker. This week is officially no more trainers week, please, whatever potty training gods are out there, help me.

As I mentioned before, I painted a wall in my bedroom last week. I know it doesn't sound like much, but our bedroom is kindof huge, and the one wall took about 5 days (a couple hours here an there, as any project being completed by a mom seems to be), and a whole gallon of paint. It's better than the white, but it still needs something. Again, uninspired. I've always had a hard time figuring out what to put on the wall above the bed, and in the 10 years or so that Clark and I have shared a bedroom, I don't think I've ever hung anything above up there, for fear of putting up something that I'll hate. And again, with the perfectionism. Bleh

Clark was out of town last week for 3 nights. I HATE it when he's out of town. He has always had jobs that take him on the road on occasion, but it's been particularly difficult lately. Part of which is probably being stuck here in a town where I have no support system. In Cedar, I could always crash mom's or Becky's for dinner, or just to let the kids terrorize someone else's house for a couple hours. Here, it's all me, all the time. This has actually been underlying a lot of my mad/sad issues the last week or so. Two things really triggered it hard. One, Clark got us tickets for Dave Matthews next week at the Journal Pavilion. I've wanted to see Dave Matthews for a LONG time, and when I heard he was going to be here a few months ago I told Clark, we definitely need to see it. He was a dear and hooked up the tickets, since I get all stressed when it comes to putting a credit card number on the computer. So, the time to get a sitter starts getting closer and closer. We call the ONE girl here we know, and of course she will be going to the concert. I think Clark has arranged something, but it requires us taking the kids to someone's house I don't know, and leaving them there until pretty late, on a school night. Not exactly ideal. The second thing was trying to arrange a weekend for me to go to Seattle in November. NOVEMBER, people! 3 months from now. You'd think I was trying to go to Antarctica for a month or something. The hardest thing about both these situations was how completely out of control and powerless I am feeling about being able to be in charge of my own time. I am a slave to my children. I have no one here to help me. I can't take a break, even if I had anything to do. Clark tries really hard, but sometimes it's not enough. OK, now I really am going to bawl.