Weird Week

Things have been weird around here lately. My moods and emotions have been swinging wide and fast. From depressed and totally ineffectual to angry and can't sit still. I need to get my shit together.

We had a decent Labor Day weekend, going back that far since I haven't posted since before then. Cleaned house, went out to breakfast twice (I love it when someone else makes me breakfast), took the kids to the zoo. It was really nice to just have Clark home for 3 days in a row. I got to have a little time to myself, which was much needed. I ended up taking a beautiful little drive completely on accident.

In Cedar, when I was feeling down, and needed a break from the kids, I used to drive out to "Three Peaks", a nice little open/recreation area west of town. There's lots of nature to go sit in if one feels the need around Cedar, and it was always good for me to get into it. I haven't found the spot like that here. However, I decided to get in the car and start driving as though I were headed out there and see where I ended up.

Cedar and Albuquerque have some interesting geographical similarities (mountain range to the east, interstate running north-south through the town, broad expanse to the west, we even live in the northeast heights here just like we did there, weird), so that's not really as difficult as it might sound. Anyhoo, I ended up on this little "scenic byway" that rolls slowly through a tiny old town called Corrales. OLD New Mexico. HUGE cottonwood trees everywhere. Cute little orchards and vineyards and adobes. I never really got the whole New Mexico architecture thing (otherwise known as squat square beige buildings), but down there I totally got it. I mean, there were of course the crazy old houses that a community that old will have, but there were also beautiful homes, tucked away in the trees, so pretty as to bring tears to your eyes. Or my eyes anyways. But, I'm weird like that.

The school/work week went by fast. Madeline is doing really great in school, as far as I can tell, and seems to be happier to have something to do. Zach and I are still battling with the potty training (will it EVER end??), but mostly he's a dear to be around, and is at that great stage where it's always entertaining to hear what he'll say next. Example: It started sprinkling when he and Clark were out getting the mail, Clark asked him what he thought about the rain, Zach looked up at the sky and contemplated for a moment before replying, "I think it's a very wet idea." Precious.

I managed to haul myself to yoga Wednesday. I hadn't been in over a week, what with the holiday and all, and especially when I haven't been in awhile and am feeling depressed, it can be difficult to get myself to class. Usually though, a good class will lift me right up out of a down day. I can't say I had a good class. It felt like my muscles weren't listening to me. I was collapsing in all my standing poses, and felt like I was pretty much a total yoga loser. Hate that.

I've really been battling with the depression thing lately. The depression part is nothing new really, although it's been a long time since I've felt it to this degree and for this kind of duration. The real difference is how much I've been fighting it this time around. I've at least been able to say, ok, this is depression I'm feeling, I need to do something about it, instead of just getting totally sucked in. I'm trying to remind myself that this is progress. Some days it's hard to convince myself that the anger and irritation is preferable to totally unplugging from the people around me,but I think it is, isn't it?

This weekend was WAY too short. I actually woke up today convinced that it was Sunday, how disappointing is that? Clark had to work Sunday, which REALLY SUCKS ASS. He had to go in at about 12:30pm, and didn't get home until after 10. AND, he has to work late again tonight, which means that he left here at like 5:30 am for the gym, and won't be home until most likely after 10 again. AND, he's going out of town tomorrow for 3 days. He'll be back for a week, THEN he has to go to Chicago for 4 days, leaving, again, Sunday. GRRRRR. Yeah, I'm angry about that. I'm not angry at him, at all, I know he would rather be home with us, but I gotta say, it's like a THOUSAND TIMES harder to be home alone with the kids while he's on the road here, than it was in Cedar. Have I said this before? Forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but this is one of the major frustrations in my life right now. I'm actively trying to find someone to help me with the kids while Clark is gone, at least to stay with them while I go to yoga so I don't lose my little mind. It's going to be spending money I'd rather not spend, but hey, sometimes you gotta.

On top of that, my mother in law has changed her plans to come to Albuquerque this winter, again. This is like the 4th or 5th time she's changed her mind. My husband thinks his mother is a saint, and for the most part I try not to dispel this notion because she really is a sweet and wonderful person for the most part, but I kinda lost it on this one. First it was going to be a couple months, January, Feb, March, somewhere around there. Then, a couple months, Nov/Dec. Then, only a month, but October this time. Now it's going to be a week in October or November, then possibly up to 3 months later in the winter. She won't be staying in our home at all, most likely, but she will possibly be dependent on us (me) for transportation. The first time I met my mil, I told Clark if we ever live in the same town with her, we are SO going into therapy. He can be a different person around her, one I don't know very well, so I just need to know when to schedule the shrink, is that so difficult?

OK, gotta stop bitching, it's giving me a headache.

To round out the weirdness of the week, we saw Neil Patrick Harris in a not even very great breakfast place Sunday morning. They had written on the 'specials' board, something about make sure to watch some blah blah show on some blah blah network with Neil Patrick Harris Sunday at blahbity blah time. I thought it was a little odd, and wondered if they might know him? or maybe they're just big fans? Then, just as I'm biting into my banana walnut waffle, he stands up and walks right across the room toward me and out the door. Neil Patrick Harris. Now if that's not weird, I don't know what is.