I've been in a bit of a funk lately. I sat down to write about it the other day, and my computer froze up on me (again, fuck!), so I took that as a sign that I shouldn't air dirty laundry on the internet. Suffice to say, I finally got the balls to resurrect a relationship issue that has been plaguing my marriage for, oh, going on 10 years now, and it sucks. Sucks ass. I know sometimes you have to put up with things sucking for awhile in order for them to get better, but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy it. I'm feeling better today. I got some shit off my chest, and even though I feel bad about rocking the boat, it needed rocked. We'll see how things progress from here. I'm not totally optimistic, but I do still have hope. My best girls are helping me through (thanks Stine and Beck!!). And on that note, I'm going to do a little Best Bud History Recap. I said I'd do a post about my friendship with the loverly Stine, so here goes.
Stine and I met in college. I actually met her through Lyam, as I knew him first. My freshman year I had a boyfriend who was an actor. His name was Rob, and he was a nice guy, as far as college guys go. He had a job as a receptionist of some kind in the theater department. Which meant I spent a lot of time sitting around the auditorium lobby listening to him spout off with his actor buddies. My favorite of these actor buddies was Lyam. Not only because he was the only one of said actor buddies that actually acknowledged my existence. He was sweet and smart and cute too. Eventually, Rob and Lyam entered into a creative project together. Lyam had written a great little one act play called "Tramp", and Rob was going to get it produced and direct it. As Rob's girlfriend, I got to be the stage manager. I had done some theater in high school, so this wasn't a total leap into the unknown, but that little show changed my life in ways I never could have imagined.
Stine was cast in a smallish part in the show. I enjoyed her right away. We didn't hang much during rehearsals (which seemed to stretch on FOREVER), but I could tell she was a cool chick. Not only because she and the other cool cats seemed to be involved in some kind of secret smoky meetings before and after rehearsal. She was talented, and nice, and also didn't treat me as a second class citizen for being the directors girlfriend. During the course of the show, Rob and I broke up, badly. I wasn't exactly professional about it all the time, I have to admit. Stine turned into a shoulder to cry on. I rebounded pretty quickly into the arms of my much older married boss (which is a Whole Other Story I may or may not get into someday), and learned to appreciate some of the more alternative means of mind expansion available to college kids through him. Even though he wasn't a college student, and really should have known better than to be messing around with me and introducing me to those kind of things. All of a sudden, I had something in common with the cool cats.
As you may be able to tell from the story thus far, I was in the middle of a huge period of change in my life. I was finally making a complete break from the church, and finding a new path to tread. It was confusing and frightening and difficult. I stayed in the theater department, even changing my major for a little while, and started hanging with the cool cats more often. (In no small part, I suspect, because I had a car and a job, handy things to have in a friend if you're a starving actor.) Stine and I hit it off pretty quick. She and Lyam were just starting to date, and the three of us became somewhat inseparable for awhile. My sweet sis Becky was also a part of the action, as she had been friends with Lyam from before. Becky has hinted at the tension which occurred between her and I during that time. We became jealous of each others closeness with Stine in a way we had NEVER been jealous of each other over boys. Stine, in her infinite wisdom sat us both down one afternoon and put a quick end to that, and we were all able to hang with no weirdness after that.
I remember those days with so much fondness, even though they were some of the craziest of my life. I was terribly in love with a completely inappropriate man, finding a new sexual freedom I had never even suspected existed, and opening my mind in new and exhilarating ways. Through all this, I had a new big sister to hold my hand and keep me grounded. Stine read my tarot cards, worked with me to balance my chakras, and told me I wasn't crazy more times than I can count. We ventured into substances we really shouldn't have, and decided to quit said substances together. I learned about her affinity for Basic Menthol Lite 100's, and then witnessed her quit smoking in one fell swoop one afternoon while I was having a come apart about a completely unrelated subject. We cruised the desert and the mountains in my old Ford Escort, and played naked in the streams and valleys of Southern Utah. Aaah, Good Times, our Summer of Love.
As the summer came to a close, and I was unceremoniously kicked out of my parents house for refusing to go to church any more, we talked about moving in together in the fall. I was really excited to have my best friend as a roommate. However, when Lyam came back to school, it became evident that these two were meant to be, and they decided to live together. We briefly considered getting a place for the three of us, but probably for the best, it didn't work out that way. I did get to be their next door neighbor though. We all moved into the notorious Cedar Crest apartments, me with Michael, a sweet, if somewhat annoying, gay man in the theater department, who sometimes had a hard time shutting up, them, together, in the unit next door. The Cedar Crest days were rocky and great. I know I was a bit of a pest, constantly crashing their pad, and living there as much, if not more, than at my actual apartment. I was learning a lot about independence (especially after it was finally over with the by that time ex-boss), and they were learning a lot about being a couple. It was hard for everyone at times, but I will be forever grateful for the support and comfort both Stine and Lyam gave me during that time.
The end of the school year rolled around, and it was time for everyone to move on. Stine was graduating, and they were headed up to Salt Lake City for a few months on their way to Seattle. I had met Clark by that time, and was hoping he'd ask me to move in with him after my lease was up at Cedar Crest. Which he did :). I was really sad to see Stine go. I was a military brat, and had a lot of experience with friends moving away, none of it very good. She assured me that we'd always be best buds, and by golly she was right. I'd almost say we're closer now than we were when we were next door neighbors. We call all the time, email, instant message, and now blog to keep in touch. I was the matron of honor at Lyam and Christine's wedding a short 2 months after Clark and I tied the knot. I've been to Seattle TONS of times, to enjoy my pals talents on stage, and sometimes just to hang for a few days. I named my daughter Madeline Christine.
I consider Stine to be my soul sister. She has been there for me through thick and thin, and I'd like to think I've been there for her too. She has given me many a nudge on the path I've chosen, and lights the way with her honesty and strength. She has supported me in every decision, even when she didn't entirely agree with them. Some of the best times of my life have been simply sitting around, playing cards, laughing my ass off with her. She is talented beyond belief and every time I have the honor of seeing her onstage, it changes me, always for the better. She is a true example to me of what a woman can have and be. I love you, sweetheart, thank you doesn't come close to cutting it, but I'll say thank you anyways. Thank you for EVERYTHING.
