I'm still here

I know I've been blogslacking again. I've been reading a lot, but can't seem to get inspired to write anything.

My parents were here from Thursday afternoon until Sunday morning. It was a good visit, and they both seemed happier than I've seen them in awhile, which was very nice. We went to the zoo, and the new balloon museum, and waited much longer than I'd planned for a fancy dinner out at El Pinto.

Sunday I was depressed. Really depressed. Much more depressed than I've been in quite awhile. After my parents hit the road, I went upstairs, sat down on the couch, turned on the Sunday afternoon movies, and didn't do a damn thing the rest of the day. And not in a good, I'm relaxing after a long couple weeks way. In a, I didn't even feed the kids lunch, and then they had cold pizza for dinner, and I didn't eat all day, way. I wish I could pinpoint exactly what was going on with me, but as usual, it was a combination of a lot of things, exhaustion being only one of them. I'm feeling a little better today, but I kindof scared myself yesterday. Especially the not being able to care for my children part. They don't deserve that, and it cannot be allowed to continue. I feel better today, but if I start having more days like that I will definitely need to get on some meds.

Clark left yesterday for Vegas for a couple days. He's been on the road so much lately, but assures me that they have decided to lay off for the holidays. I hope he's right about that. There have been some other issues with his job that I won't go into here, because I wouldn't want to get him in trouble (not that I think anyone from his work would ever read this, but you never know). It's making me really miss the simplicity of our life in Cedar. I know this is an opportunity for both of us, but it's FUCKING HARD. A lot of the issues we've faced since moving here have been things that I totally anticipated, and that he didn't. Now we're getting into the stuff that neither of us anticipated. It is bringing us closer, since we are communicating about it, which if you know us at all, you know is HUGE, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Enough with the downer. I've been trying to turn this day around, and will not be sucked back into the abyss by dwelling on it.

We haven't officially started on the halloween costumes yet, but they have decided on what they want to be, and I have some ideas about how to put them together. Madeline is going to be a garden fairy with a yellow outfit. I don't know where she came up with the yellow, and am hoping I don't have to search too much for a yellow sweatsuit or dress or something. She already has fairy wings. They're getting a little old and worn out, but they'll work if I can't find anything else. The rest should be pretty easy to throw together from the flower department at the craft store. Zach is going to be a pirate. He has dark pants and Madeline has an old red and white striped turtleneck we'll use. We need to find a sword and a hat, maybe a vest, or a parrot or something, then we'll draw a patch on with black eyeliner. He's working on his "aarrgh!" and it's coming along pretty well. I'm slacking on halloween compared to years past, but they don't seem stressed, so I won't stress either.

The weekend after halloween I'm off to Seattle. I'm going to see Stine's show and hang out for a couple days. I had been planning to see another friend of mine while I was there, which I was really excited about, but his plans have changed, which is a major bummer. However, I can't be too sad, because Ly and Stine are more than enough friend quota for me. I wish I had a little more time to spend, but oh well. She's in tech week this week and opens Friday? Thursday? I know she's more stressed than she'd anticipated, and I wish I could be there for her more.

Tomorrow I'll try to get a post up about the Krauses, since I said I would. Right now though, the kids want dinner.