the krause house

The guilt... THE GUILT!

2008-09-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

OK, today I feel like the worst mommy in the world. M had her first big school project due today and we TOTALLY FORGOT! After all the reminders from the teacher to plan out the steps to completion, and not leave the whole thing until the last minute, Madeline was up until 9:30 last night (2 hours past regular bedtime) trying to get it done.

I have many excuses as to why this happened. Last year's teacher never assigned any homework on the weekends, bless her heart, so we are totally out of practice in even thinking about schoolwork after Friday. I was out of town last weekend, and Clark was out of town the weekend before, and we really just needed a quiet couple of days at home. She was so panicked about the whole thing and scheduling that when we did sit down with her planner, she would only plan out the rough draft stages. And on, and on... Bottom line is, I suck.

The project was to create a cereal box based on the book they read for their report. They had to make up the cereal brand, create a game for the back of the box, describe the characters on one side of the box (ingredients), give a summary on the other side, and create a 2 minute commercial advertising their product. Cute idea, and I was excited that it was something she could show her creativity on. So, I was in the cereal aisle in the grocery store yesterday afternoon, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. By the time I got home, it was less than 3 hours until bedtime, hadn't had dinner yet, and hadn't started the final project AT ALL.

I wasn't completely panicked yet, as she had done the rough drafts, and we had a pretty detailed instruction sheet to help us along, so I asked her to get out her folder so we could see where we were at. See where this is going? Yep, the folder was in her desk... at school. So now, not only are we trying to do this at the last possible minute, we don't have the rough drafts or the instructions. This was the point at which I felt like throwing up or crying or maybe both. Of course, as the parent, you can't show your child these emotions, you have to maintain control, reassure her that she can do it, and get the damn thing done already.

She did a pretty good job getting through the creation of the box, after I talked her down from her own guilt and panic at not having remembered about all this either, although I have to confess I helped with the cutting and pasting probably more than I should have. Then we moved on to the commercial. This was the part I absolutely didn't remember the instructions, but she assured me she knew what to do, and that it needed to be 1 to 1 & 1/2 minutes long, although she didn't tell me until 9:00 that it was supposed to be completely memorized. At this point, she was so exhausted, and just over it, we worked on memorization for about 30 minutes before we had to give up.

I got her up early today to work on the memorization again for awhile, and she did seem to have most of it down. I drove her to school and went down to her classroom to check the instructions and make sure there wasn't anything glaring that we had missed. What we would have done at that point if there had been, I don't know, but the only thing we were really off on was that the commercial was supposed to be 2 minutes. Well... we were happy that we had made it to a minute, so I guess she'll just have to take the grade cut on that.

I gotta say, I haven't had a parenting failure of this magnitude in awhile. It was certainly an eye opener, and a wake up call. I've been going through some real insecurities about parenting an older child, and have been unfairly judgmental of my husband, and myself I guess, about expecting perfect parenting. This has undoubtedly yanked me down off my high horse, and I am feeling humbled and sorry about that.

The more my big girl is growing up and becoming more and more complex and independent, my fears just keep growing with her. I want so badly to do everything I can to set her up for success in the world, and at the same time I am realizing that so much is out of my control. I crave the days when she was little, and even though it was a lot of work, it was my work and I was in control of what happened in her world. It is just excruciatingly difficult to let go of that control. I fear the ways in which my imperfections and inadequacies will affect her and her continued development. I know everyone at some point blames their mother for something, and I am trying to surrender to the fact that that is inevitable, but even thinking about that happening in the future feels like a knife in the heart.

All those people who say it gets easier when your kids get older don't know shit.

She Lives!

2008-08-18T07:46:00.000-07:00

Well helloooo blogland! Apparently, I am still alive and kicking after over a year of non-posting. Who knew.

Things are going quite well here at the Krause House. The kids started school last week, M in 4th grade (!!) and Z in 1st. I don't know why, but for some reason having a 4th grader is making me feel OLD. We are dealing with all the start of the school year jitters, M more than Z, that child is change-averse in the extreme. This year she's also starting the "Enrichment" program at her school, and we're excited to see what new challenges and opportunities that brings. I have a meeting tomorrow to go over all the testing she did over the summer, and I have a sneaking suspicion they're going to tell me she's scary smart. Now if we can only help her be more secure, we'll be all set.

Z is already struggling with his first virus of the school year. He reported to me on Thursday that he was really nice and played with the little girl in his class who wasn't feeling good and had a sore throat. He's such a sweetie, but boy did I want to tell him to stay FAR AWAY from the sickies!! So, he was up that night with the sore throat, and has progressed to the runny nose and scary sounding cough. joy.

My hubby is still the hardest working man I know. Since my last post, he was promoted (to CEO! wow!), and has been dealing with more personnel crapola, political crapola, and general being the boss crapola than I care to remember. He's still travelling a lot, although it has slowed a little from those first months of being in charge. As a matter of fact, he's off to sunny Southern California for the week this week, and then will be going to Germany for 10 days in Sept. It's still hard being away from family, especially when he's travelling, but it has forced us to become a real team, and has brought us closer in so many ways.

We had a very nice summer vacation. I think we found a nice balance between activity, travel, and general lazy summer days. The kids did summer camps at the beginning of June, M at the hands on science museum 'Explora', and Z at the zoo. They both did awesome and had tons of fun. After that, 2 weeks of swimming lessons, then a trip to Cedar City for 4th of July, back to Albuquerque for another 2 weeks of swimming, then Yosemite for about a week. I may post another time in more detail about the Yosemite trip, suffice to say for now, that for such small critters, mice suck BIG TIME.

I am still doing the yoga thing. Not teaching regularly, or taking classes as often as I'd like, honestly, but it continues to inform the way I live in my body every day. I'm excited to get back to class more often now that school is back in session. I went to a class last week that is a little tougher than I usually try, and it kicked my ass. hard. A wake up call to be sure.

I am also still doing the Friends of the Library thing at the kids school. I've been doing 2 book fairs per school year since we got into the new school, and have raised a pretty significant amount of money. We dealt with some overcrowding issues last year (apparently Everybody wanted to come to the pretty new school), so there was actually a 5th grade classroom in the library which was a bit of a challenge. This year they are working on completing an addition of I think 5 new classrooms, and for now all the 5th grade classes are meeting in the gym. Which sucks for them, but I don't have a 5th grader, and we have the library back, so I am not complaining.

Now that I have figured out how to get back onto Blogger, I am hoping to be more of a presence here again, it was fun, and I could use a little more connectivity to the world outside my house and the school. If I can pry myself away from playing Scramble on Facebook for that long. :D

Return to Blogland

2007-03-09T08:24:00.001-08:00

OK, well, here we are.

I wasn't sure if I remembered how to do this.

Not sure if I should try to recap the last 4 months, or just move on from here.

Let's start with current status. Today I'm home with a sicky. Zach has a cold, and is cranky enough that he wanted to stay home and miss PJ day and the Teddy Bear picnic they had planned for today. Bummer. He feels hot to me, but the thermometer says normal. I don't think I trust it. I had the flu last weekend, so we're catching up on all the sick we missed this winter now that it's spring. Oh, and can I say, thank GOD spring is here! Like my sis, I tend to run better solar powered. I'm all inspired to do spring cleaning and get stuck back into the backyard project.

Kids are doing well. Last week we had parent teacher conference for Madeline and she got a stellar report from her teacher, as usual. She's getting better about doing homework, which was bordering on torturous there for awhile, and is riding the bus and walking to the bus stop independently. As much as I am afraid of her being on the bus, it really is nice to send her off from the front door with a kiss in the morning, and greet her there again in the afternoon. I'm not missing the fiasco that was the elementary school parking lot for drop off and pick up.

I just got her signed up for nature camp this summer. It looks like we've about got the summer planned already. Yep, in March. I was on the ball this year and got both of them into the program at the BioPark. That, plus a couple weeks of swimming lessons, preschool summer school for Z, and a trip to Yosemite should keep us pretty busy. I'm getting nervous about Zach starting kindergarten already. He's a little dude, and will be on the young side in his class (his bday is in April), and I have considered waiting, but I just don't know. I don't want him to struggle, but I also don't want him to be bored for another year in preschool, and honestly, don't really want him and his sis to be too terribly far apart in school. I think we're going to see how summer school goes, and make a final decision after that.

I have to go over to the school today and turn in all the various registration forms for both of them for next year. Good grief, how many times do I have to write out our address and phone number already!? Not to mention emergency contact numbers. You'd think this process could be streamlined, do your really need FIVE handwritten forms saying the exact same thing? (Five forms PER child) OK, done ranting, I just hate that shit.

Speaking of the school, we're officially all moved in to the new school building. It's beautiful. How neat to be in the first class in a brand new facility. The playground equipment went in a couple weeks ago, and they're still getting the kinks out of everything, but it's so nice to not be so crowded, and to be closer to our house again. I'm trying to be a good volunteer mom, and have committed to run the Book Fairs for the Friends of the Library group. I'm glad I found that group to be a part of. We like to call ourselves the slacker PTA. Perfect for me. It's just a few moms and the librarian, but we've raised enough money for some nice furniture for the 'story pit' and some fun stuff for birthdays and reading incentives. Book Fair is coming in about 5 weeks, and so far I've attended the training workshop and have everything scheduled with Scholastic. I'm excited to move forward with promoting and planning the details.

Yoga teacher training is over. At least the official, scheduled classes. I still have a few homework assignments to finish up, and need to turn in all my hours and such, but it's really nice to get back on a schedule that revolves a little more around the needs of my family, and a little less around the demands of that kind of schedule. Those last few months were brutal. Clark was insanely on the road (and continues to be, but that's another story), and I was running as fast as I could to just not fall further behind. It did take me a few extra weeks to finish up my quota of classes after the official end date in December, and man was that hard to accept. I am SUCH a perfectionist that the idea of not finishing on time, and not being able to do anything about it was excruciating. At this stage in the game, I'm assisting in a couple classes a week, a scoliosis class on Mondays and a Mom/Baby class on Fridays, and mostly focusing on enjoying being a student again. I learned SO much, and my body is doing better than ever, but it's good to be done.

OK, I guess returning to blogland wasn't so hard after all. I have been keeping up with reading about all y'all, even if I haven't been commenting much. Next time maybe pictures! Maybe!

Blogthing

2006-10-06T11:47:00.001-07:00

I cruised over to blogthings today to check out the quiz Ly posted, and this one caught my eye. So, what kind of soul are you?

p.s. don't forget to check out my new pics below if you haven't already. ;)

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Pics: yard project update and happy haircut day

2006-10-03T13:21:00.000-07:00

The kids on one of their favorite features, the path. Don't worry, Madeline has had her bangs trimmed since this picture, she can see where she's going now.

2006-10-03T13:20:00.000-07:00

Highly technical garden hose design technique.

2006-10-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

The concrete border guys, with their nifty concrete border extruding device.

2006-10-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

TA DA! Let there be lawn!

2006-10-03T13:17:00.000-07:00

I love laying sod, instant gratification.

2006-10-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

Before...

2006-10-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

...After!

A quickie

2006-08-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

Overheard this morning from Zach, while eating his breakfast:

"My spoon of power will DEFEAT you, cereal!"

Big news of the day:

Madeline broke her arm yesterday. Talk about drama. It's just a little break, but she'll be in a cast for 4 weeks, and it's her right arm, so apparently she can't do ANYTHING. I'm hoping she'll adjust and become more ambidextrous soon.

My neck is cranky from too much Down Dog last night at yoga, so I'm gonna go ice.

Ta ta for now.

Broke pools suck ass

2006-08-04T10:47:00.000-07:00

The pool is officially GONE! GONE GONE GONE!!! Thank god.

When last I posted, we were getting ready to start cutting the concrete. Since then we cut, pried, smashed, and generally busted up all the concrete; moved most of that concrete to create a nice little faux flagstone type patio; dug up all the dirt around what was left of the pool; and destroyed Vic's reciprocal saw cutting out enough of the walls of the pool for it to effectively vanish underneath whatever I end up putting in back there. It was SO much work! I feel like I owe Vic my firstborn child or something for the amount of heavy labor he's put in in my yard over the last 3 weeks. Personally, I've NEVER worked that hard or for nearly that long on something that physical. I've been exhausted beyond belief at night, and sleeping like a rock. The kids have been really good at kicking it in the house while mommy is out doing loud and dangerous (the sides of the pool were metal, which had to be cut, which left sharp scary edges which I only gouged myself on once) things in the backyard, but I think they're relieved that at least the noisy part is done. There's still a lot to do back there, but at this point, we're headed in the direction of putting things back together, instead of ripping them apart.

I was all ready to document the whole process, but ended up having battery issues with my digital camera, and missed a big chunk of the process in the middle. Here's what I have.

BEFORE: Well, mostly before, we had all the landscaping rock dug out in this pic, but you get the idea.

Vic with the concrete saw, SUCH a stud!

All busted up

Prying the concrete out. We actually ended up bending that huge pry-bar on a particularly massive bit of concrete.

And... DONE! With the concrete busting anyways.

THIS is what we did with all that busted concrete. Recycling! This is where we have a gap in the documentation, so you don't get to see how we did it, but those pieces were HEAVY, and it wasn't easy to get them all so level. Again, Vic is THE MAN.

Cutting out the sides of the pool. (I dug out all that dirt my own self. Aren't you impressed?)

TA DA!! No more pool! WOO HOO!!!

Obviously, there is SO much more left to do, but I think we are over the biggest hurdle. I'm pretty sure everyone thinks I'm crazy for even attempting it, but trust me, working around it was not an option. Next steps include staining the concrete so that it looks more like stone, buying some crushed granite or something to fill in the cracks around the concrete slabs, deciding exactly where the lawn is going to be and digging the dirt down to the right size and level for said lawn, calling in the guys who do concrete borders for around the lawn, calling in the other guys to put in the sprinkler system, and then laying the sod. I'd like to get all this done on my current budget. If there's anything left over, we may get in a tree or two. The rest of the plants will have to wait until we can afford them, and a drip irrigation system to keep them alive. Future plans include a possible sandbox, and cover of some kind for the patio, cause you really can't have enough shade in Albuquerque. And that, my dears, concludes your tour of the Krause House backyard. Hope you enjoyed it.

Summer recap (aka I'm Still Here!)

2006-07-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

I don't really have anything special to say, but I was starting to get embarrassed by how long it's been since I posted anything. Summer recap maybe? OK, that'll work.

We've been very busy and will continue to be very busy right up until Madeline goes back to school on the NINTH of August. (That's right, the 9th. Has anyone ever heard of a school district starting that early? yeah, me neither) We had a lazy first couple weeks of June, knowing that it was going to be the only real stretch of inactivity the entire summer. I started the second session of teacher training on the 10th, just in time for Clark to head to Idaho for a job interview. It was stressful starting out on a 6 month commitment without knowing if we were actually going to be here for it. Clark assured me that we'd figure out a way to work it out, if it became an issue (i.e. if he got the job), but that probably would have entailed me staying in Albuquerque by myself with the kids for a couple months, which really didn't sound appealing. He didn't get the job though, which really bummed him out, but I got to heave a sigh of relief.

Since I brought up the job situation, it's kindof sucking again. The Evil Boss has officially left the building (thank god), which leaves Clark as the interim president, which, although it sounds fancy and cool, really isn't. He's having to make decisions as the president, without knowing if he's going to continue in that position, or be bumped back to vice president. Not to mention managing an office full of people who are acting like post traumatic stress victims. Everyone is paranoid, and no one knows what's going to happen next. He's turned in a resume for the job, but is worried that Former Evil Boss has left such a stain on the organization that the board of directors is going to be wary of promoting from within. Oh, yeah, and he's trying to continue doing his job, while also filling in the blanks left by EB leaving, which is basically two upper level managerial positions being filled by one person. The true irony of the situation is that I'm finally feeling really happy being in Albuquerque, and he's ready to leave if he doesn't get the promotion. big sigh. So, everyone cross your fingers that he gets the job, cause I'm really not ready to move again right now.

On to happier subjects. The kids. They're both doing pretty great. Their first big activity of the summer was swimming lessons. I enrolled both of them in group lessons at Clark's gym. Thirty minutes a day, 5 days a week, for 2 weeks. I was pretty optimistic that Madeline would go for it, since she's been getting more adventurous in the water, and in general has been having a better attitude about new activities (anyone remember the ballet debacle from last summer?). I was really worried about Zach though. Especially since he hasn't really participated in any kind of group activity yet, and tends to stress about new things, and when those new things might require getting his face wet, watch out. The boy surprised me. He went right to his teacher, got right in the water, and didn't fuss once. My plan of attack was drop them off the first day and leave, so that no one would be putting on a show for me. I told them what I was going to do, and that I would be back when they were done, then I left, walked up to the front of the gym to buy cookies and water from the vending machine, and came back and watched from behind a tree so they wouldn't see me. So sneaky. I think it really helped though, and it ended up being a good experience for everyone.

The weekend between the two weeks of swimming lessons, I went to Cedar for Paul and Jen's wedding. Missuz J already covered a bunch of that, so I won't bore anyone by repeating, but I had SUCH a great time. It was exactly the break I needed. I gotta say, I really like traveling by myself. I can read, listen to whatever I want in the car, at whatever volume I want, and eat hot food in restaurants instead of having to cut pancakes or pour ketchup first. I enjoyed helping with all the flowers, even though it did cut into my socializing time a little. But, hey, I was there for the wedding, and I got to be a part of it, which was touching and sweet. LOTS of love went into those flower arrangements, LOTS.

Unfortunately, I missed a ton of yoga stuff being gone that weekend. Originally, I had thought I'd miss one Saturday afternoon session (4 hours, which I could make up in about an hour privately with the teacher). It turned out that I missed 2 weekly classes, the Saturday session, a 6 hour special workshop on Sunday, and a study group session. Yikes. So, when Clark got a wild hair and decided to bail out of town back to Cedar for the 4th of July weekend with the kids, I got to stay home and make up yoga classes. It was trippy to have the whole house to myself for, I think it was 5 days. I haven't done that in, literally, years. Before I had Madeline. The silence, the sleeping in, the cleaning staying cleaned for more than 2 minutes... heaven. I missed my sweeties horribly though, and was happy to have them back when they came home.

This week Madeline had nature camp. They do some great camps, both at the zoo, and at the aquarium/botanical gardens. We were too late for the zoo camps, since apparently they fill up in March, and while I was on the ball this year, I wasn't THAT on the ball, but she's loving it, so that's all that counts. I put her in the morning session, even though it meant we had to be up and ready and out the door by 8am, since I wasn't heartless enough to saddle her with being out in the desert heat in the afternoons. The morning thing totally worked out though, because this week we started a big project at the house... dum da da! The back yard!

Our backyard sucks. When we bought the house, there was an old, broken, nasty pool in the backyard, bordered by concrete and grey landscaping rock, and that was it. Nothing green, nothing growing. Considering the other options we were looking at for housing though, it really was the best choice. The former owners were nice enough to fill in the pool with dirt (mostly to avoid dealing with a pool inspection I think), but concrete pool border filled with dirt was preferable to giant hole, so we rolled with it. Now, the time has come to deconstruct what's going on back there and hopefully create something better. My dear friend Vic (old buddy from college who happens to live in Albuquerque now, have I mentioned Vic before?) is doing most of the grunt work. He and I spent two days this week shoveling landscaping rocks into big piles in the front and side yards. Tomorrow we rent the concrete cutting saw, and start wreaking havoc. And, back to the early morning thing I mentioned in the previous paragraph, in Albuquerque, in July, you want to get as much work in as early as possible, since we're hitting the 80's by 10am, and the 90's by noon. So, getting up early, while I hate it, has been a necessary thing this week.

Oh yeah, I'm also painting the master bathroom this week. I bought paint and got started while the kidlets were in Utah, but it's taking me much longer than I thought, so I've been shovelling rocks in the morning, and painting in the afternoon. Good Times. I must be in better shape than I thought though, cause I haven't been horribly sore. I mean, I can feel that I'm working different muscles than I'm used to, and can feel them fatigue, but I seriously thought after the first day of shoveling that I wouldn't be able to get up the next day, and tada! I'm up. I'm hoping to get it done this afternoon. I really need to get new batteries for the digital, so I can post some pictures of my projects.

The rest of the summer should look something like this: Clark's gone to Europe for work until the 23rd, left at 5am this morning, poor baby; Mom and Beck and Soph will be here the 19th for a week, staying with us, and helping celebrate Madeline's birthday on the 21st; a few days to recuperate, then off to Yosemite to stay with Grandma Pat (Clark's mom) and play in the river before it's back to school time. I'm going to be so behind on yoga by the time school starts it'll take me a month to catch up. Definitely lost some momentum in that department, but I'm not too worried. I think that when Zach starts preschool in September, I should be able to pack in at least 4 classes a week, that'll catch me up fast.

I'll try to stop slacking quite so much, this was fun. I've been going back and forth about why I'm blogging, and who my audience is (am I doing it for myself? or for other people to read? I'm not so sure), but I think either way, and even if I don't know the answer to that question, it's still a good thing. Namaste.

Social Butterflies

2006-05-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! How were your long weekends? Ours was pretty nice. We were, indeed, social butterflies. Saturday was generally uneventful. I made cookies, cleaned house, and cooked dinner at home on my first non-yoga Saturday of my short break. The cookies came out YUMMY. They were Oatmeal Banana Chocolate Chip, and if anyone's interested I will post the recipe, as it is officially my new 'use up the brown bananas' favorite.

Sunday, we were invited by a sweet gal in my yoga study group to her house in Santa Fe for Indian food. She invited the whole study group plus significant others and (my) kids. Her husband is originally from India, and they are devout vegetarians, so the food was not something I was familiar with at all, but everyone else there was raving about it, so I assume that for vegetarian Indian food, it was excellent. They have a darling little house outside of Santa Fe in an old rural area (one of the oldest land grants in the country, according to Allena, not that I really know what that means), and it was a lovely long afternoon of getting to actually socialize with the people I'd been studying with for 4 months. I'm going to miss seeing those guys on a regular basis, and there are definitely a couple of them that I am determined to continue to see socially.

Sunday, we were invited by a friend of Clark's from his AA group to a pool party/bbq at his house. Normally I'm a little wary of AA friends, since we sometimes don't exactly speak the same language, but I had such a nice time, those worries were totally unwarranted. Clark's friend and I sat and chatted at length while Clark played in the pool with the kiddies. He seems like a great guy, and I'm really looking forward to getting to know him better. The food was FABULOUS (and familiar this time, teriyaki salmon, hot dogs, potato salad, etc., super yum), the weather was perfect, and I had actual conversations with people I didn't know at all. Those who know me will know that this is not always easy for me.

Two parties in one weekend, one might think we're starting to find friends in Albuquerque. Will wonders never cease.

The Yoga Post (and stuff)

2006-05-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

I'm almost done with the first session of my yoga teacher training course. I was initially only going to do this session, and then stop, but I have since decided to continue on for another SIX months to complete both sessions and the whole 500 hour super cool certification. I haven't decided yet if this is stupid or brave.

I've been having such a great time. The people in my class are all so cool, with just enough eccentricity and ego thrown in for color and texture, and to rile things up once in awhile. My study group KICKS ASS. And the teachers. Wow. I could seriously gush about my teachers. People have moved to Albuquerque for the sole purpose of working with these teachers. I think I'm currently in the best shape I've ever been both physically and emotionally, and I attribute a lot of that to them.

It's so great to feel like a part of a community. To have a place to go where people know who you are. I never realized how important that was to me until I didn't have it for awhile.

Some things I have learned:

When you can live in your body with your femurs grounded, the world seems to exist mostly for your own amusement.

Stability is absolutely as important as flexibility.

A flat belly just ISN'T a happy belly.

Intensity x Duration = Force

I'm still not ready for headstand, but I'm getting much more comfortable in handstand, which used to scare it right out of me.

3 hours of backbends is a few too many backbends.

Trianga Mukhaikapada Paschimottanasana means Three Limb Face to One Foot West Side Stretched Out Pose.

In Other News:

My vacation pictures came out!! WOO HOO! I sent in one roll just to check and see if they maybe weren't entirely ruined, and they came back ok, so I sent the other roll, and they weren't ruined either. A few shots are a little grainy, but I'll take it! One of these days I'll figure out how to post pictures again and throw a few of them up here.

One more week left of school for Madeline. I have a couple summer activities lined up for the kidlets. Both of them are doing swimming lessons for a couple weeks in June, and Madeline has nature camp in July for a week. I finally found a preschool for Zach in the fall, and I'm thinking about picking up a few days at least of their summer session just so he can start getting used to it before September. I'm a little concerned about swimming lessons, as they were a bit of a fiasco with Madeline last summer, but I'm trying to remain optimistic. My current plan is to drop them off the first day and leave. Hopefully that will cut out some of the whining and putting on drama for mama.

On the professional front, Clark's boss has officially resigned (THANK GOD), so it looks like things should be getting better for him at work. As far as workload and stress go, it may get a little worse before it gets better, at least until the soon to be ex boss officially leaves the building. I guess I could dish on the dirt about him now, but I think I'll refrain. Honestly, I'm so relieved that he's leaving, I don't even want to think about him any more.

Other than that, we're pretty much cruising through here at the Krause House. I'm looking forward to a couple weeks off between yoga training sessions. Maybe I'll even catch up and do some more of this blogging thing. Oh yeah, I got my hair cut. (I know, BIG news) I decided to go for the bangs. I'm getting it colored today. I'm thinking of going darker. Wish me luck.

Out of the mouths of babes

2006-04-25T14:44:00.000-07:00

Said to me by Zach as we were sitting on the couch watching "The Emperor's New School" on Disney Channel wherein the "love interest" gets all miffed at Cuzco for being an egomaniac:

"Mom, when's the hottie gonna start being nice?"

.....Speechless......

Can we catch a break here? please?

2006-04-21T08:42:00.000-07:00

We've had sick kids here at the Krause House since we got back from our lovely vacation. Colds first, then Madeline ended up with hers turning into a sinus infection, and now Zach has hand foot and mouth disease which is making him (and by extention, me) totally miserable. As bad as I feel for him, I am SO tired of lurking around the house trying to get kids to drink more fluids and rest. I was all ready to head out yesterday and today and do all those errands I've been putting off, and now I have to put them off for another week, since apparently Zach is "extremely" contagious. Joy.

On the yoga front, I think I've officially decided to continue my teacher training and complete the whole 500 hour certification this year. My studio offers a 200 hour, which is what I'm doing right now, and the whole shebang 500 hour, which obviously entails tacking another 300 hours onto the first 200. I had originally thought it would take some serious arm twisting to get Clark to go for just the 200, which it did, initially. It would seem that my enjoyment of the process thus far has been so apparent to him, that he actually suggested I continue and do the rest of the training now, rather than wait a year, which was my original plan. I'm both excited and apprehensive. I HAVE been enjoying myself immensely so far, but commiting to another 6 months of 4 hour Saturday afternoon sessions seems like a lot. The time commitment will stay the same, the Saturday sessions, plus 2 classes a week, and one study group a week, but hopefully once school starts and I get Zach into preschool (a whole other story), I can start doing the classes during the day, which would free up my evenings, which would be nice.

Since I brought it up, I guess I'll mention briefly the preschool search. Ugh. I've been looking and looking, and so far everything falls into one of 4 categories: extremely Christian, day care, Montessori and WAY too expensive, or all the way across town. Unless I can find something up here that is less religious, I may end up hauling him all the way down to the one recommended to us by Clark's work friend, which seems very nice, but I'm not too sure how I'll be able to get Madeline and Zach both to school at 9am on opposite sides of town. Haven't quite mastered the 'being two places at once' trick. Wish me luck, cause the boy needs to interact with someone other than me, bad.

Clark's work situation continues to be a challenge, I wish I could divulge more of the dirty details, but until things shake out, I really shouldn't. Change is in the air though, and fingers are crossed that it will be good change.

I finally plugged the digital camera into the computer, and lo and behold, it appears to be exceedingly easy to at least view the pictures that are in there. I was afraid I wouldn't have the right software, etc etc, but I am encouraged, and maybe, if I can get Zach to nap while I'm stranded in the house with him for a week, I'll get some pics up here. Yeah, don't hold your breath on that one.

Vacation '06: The good the bad and the ugly

2006-04-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

We just got back from the big Spring Break Vacation in California. Clark had some business thing in San Diego in the beginning of the week last week, and had expressed his interest in us coming out with him quite some time ago, and after we realized that the trip lined up perfectly with Madeline's spring break, we decided to extend it a bit and make it a real live vacation. Here's your recap.

Monday afternoon the kids and I flew out to San Diego (Clark had flown out the day before to get some of that business stuff done). The flight was a piece of cake. Clark (bless his heart) had taken the carseats and some of the heavier stuff with him, so I didn't even have to haul ridiculous amounts of luggage into the airport with 2 kids in tow. It was a nonstop flight, just under 2 hours, and the kids were great for the whole thing. We got to the hotel, which was GORGEOUS, with no problems. If you ever get the chance, I highly reccomend the Hotel Del Coronado in San Diego. It was a treat. Even though it was too chilly to get in the pool, and I didn't set foot on the beach, which was literally right next to the hotel, it was great to fall asleep listening to the waves.

Tuesday the kids and I went to the San Diego Zoo after walking all over Coronado island looking for breakfast. I was in the mood for REAL breakfast, like with protein, not just a muffin or some crap like that, so we walked clear down to where the concierge suggested, only to find it closed, then walked clear back and settled for the bagel place directly across the street from the hotel. Whatever. The zoo was awesome, and the kids were decent. Or, to be more precise, Madeline was a dream, and Zach was slightly less whiney than he's been on an almost constant basis lately. I used to live in San Diego when I was in kindergarten and part of 1st grade, and I got a little choked up walking into the zoo, and remembering being there as a little kid. It was great to be able to share that with my kids.

Wednesday, we headed up the coast to Anaheim and Disneyland. Since we hadn't been sure when we'd get up there on Wednesday, the original plan had been to just do one day in Disneyland on Thursday. We lucked out though, and got on the road at a decent time, then the Disneyland Hotel had our room ready at noon (four hours earlier than official check in time), so we decided to charge over to the park Wednesday. I think I was more excited than the kids. We did "Small World" first, barely had to stand in line at all, and the kids loved it. I was a little less impressed with the "Toontown" area, which was new since I'd been there. After riding the train over to the new Winnie the Pooh attraction, and then walking back to Main Street for dinner, Zach was done with Disneyland for the day, so he and Clark went back to the hotel, and Madeline and I stayed out for the parade, a few more rides, and the fireworks. Between the parade and the fireworks we spent probably two hours sitting on our asses on concrete, which wasn't exactly comfy, but it was worth it. Madeline and I rarely get to spend time like that together, just the two of us, and to get to hold her on my lap and listen to her ooh and aah over watching Tinkerbell fly over Cinderella's castle was priceless. All in all a good luck day, especially considering that Clark ran into one of his best friends in line at the front desk of the hotel. He was at a conference there and was checking out when we were checking in, and neither of them had any idea the other would be there. We didn't get any time to hang with him, but it was wild running into him like that.

Thursday our luck started to change. Madeine and Clark got up and headed over to the park first thing, and Zach and I packed up the room. We had only managed to get one night at Disneyland hotel, which was a little bit of a bummer, but we were rolling with it. Right as we were getting ready to hunt down breakfast, my phone rang. It was Clark. Apparently his boss thought it would be a good idea to schedule a Very Important Meeting right in the middle of our vacation. Don't ask me why (I have my theories). So, Clark is IN Disneyland WITH his little girl, making calls on his Blackberry to try and rearrange our hotel and flights so that he can go to this meeting. Then, the Blackberry dies. So, he has to LEAVE Disneyland WITH Madeline to hunt down his charger (which was in the car in the hotel parking lot), go back to the room (where he just missed Zach and I), and reschedule the rest of our trip around his boss's whim. Turns out that while it was a Very Important Meeting, it was not, in fact, a Very Urgent Meeting, and it totally could have waited for next week sometime.

We spent the rest of the day in Disneyland, after making a pact not to speak of the boss or the meeting so that the kids could enjoy the rest of their Disney experience. They had fun, we kept our seething anger to ourselves, and late afternoon, early eveningish, we headed back down the coast a ways to Laguna Beach. We stayed at Laguna Beach on our way to Clark's dad's memorial service about a year and a half ago, and had a really nice experience, so we thought it would be cool to spend the night there on our way back to San Diego to fly home. Unfortunately, we couldn't get booked into the hotel we had stayed at that time, so we tried a different one. Big mistake. It was bad, real bad. They had us (a family of four) booked into a teensy tiny room with a king and the worst, most uncomfortable pull out couch I've ever encountered. Not to mention it was on the half basement level, sandwiched snugly between the parking garage and the Pacific Coast Highway (the highway was literally like 20 feet from the back windows of the room, wheels screaming by at eye level). Add to this the fact that it was dirty, and dingy, and there was nasty hair in the shower, and we got to listen to our next door neighbors doing it (loudly) while trying to get to sleep. Lovely. Unfortunately they were booked full, so a different room was not an option. We did, however, get into the lovely Inn at Laguna Beach for the next night. (Since we had to stay an extra night for the meeting) Anybody keeping track here? That's 4 hotels in 5 nights.

Clark had to get up early to go to the Very Important Meeting, leaving me with the kids, and no car, to pack up and get to the other hotel (which was made even more enjoyable by the fact that I got my period that morning and had raging cramps). After walking (FOREVER) to get breakfast, we checked out of the nasty hotel and gathered our things to head over to the nice hotel, hoping we could possibly get an early check in, since we had no where to go while waiting for Clark to get back. We were planning to take a cab over to the other side of town, but apparently, there were NO CABS available in Laguna Beach at that particular moment, and wouldn't be for about an hour. The lovely woman at the front desk (yeah, that's sarcasm) suggested we take the bus, and probably had no idea how close she was to getting kicked in the teeth by the hormonal, angry woman with no car, lots of luggage, and 2 kids in tow. The manager of the hotel ended up driving us in his car to the other hotel, which was nice of him, I guess. He had the nerve to ask me why we were leaving his hotel, and I told him in the most polite way I could manage, little ears being present and all, that the room they saddled us with was completely unacceptable, and gross, and we were OUTA THERE!

While we didn't get an early check in, it was heavenly to be in the nice hotel where people were accomodating and things were clean. They checked our bags, took my cell phone number and said they'd call as soon as the room was ready. So, we were stranded. Granted, there are worse places to be stranded than Laguna Beach, but I was so tired and cranky I would have sold my body (or part of it anyways) for a place to lie down and some cartoons to keep the kids occupied for a bit. We ended up walking down the beach to the playground where the kids blew off some steam, then lunch, and a quick phone call to Stine who was gracious enough to listen to my ranting, which really did make me feel better, a little ice cream, and as if on cue, the front desk called right after the ice cream bowls hit the trash can.

The rest of the trip back was up and down. Turned out we didn't have a nonstop flight back to Albuquerque the next day, so I ended up being late to my yoga class which was the icing on the anger cake as far as the boss and the meeting and what have you, since that was the ONE thing I had asked to be accomodated on schedule-wise. There were toilet issues in the hotel requiring a maintenance guy with a plunger trying not to wake the sleeping children. I didn't notice the sign at the airport saying that any undeveloped film or film still in the camera would be destroyed if left in checked bags until AFTER checking the bag with the camera containing the Disneyland family pictures. (That one almost made me cry, right there in the middle of the airport) BUT, the flight was a piece of cake as far as the kids went, and we got home safely and without too much grief.

WHEW.

Overall we all had a great time, and I'm really glad we did it. All travel has some travail involved, and ours was mostly manageable. Gone long enough to be glad to be home. Isn't that why we need to go away sometimes, really? To appreciate what we've got? After the 3 hours of yoga I did directly after getting off the plane, and taking the kids to their weekly apres-yoga pizza outing, I sure was glad to see my house and my bed again. I also definitely know how lucky we are to be able to just go like that when the opportunity arises, even though the credit card will be feeling the damage for a long time still.

I am planning to post about my yoga happenings, hopefully sooner rather than later, many exciting things going on with that, but it does take up some time.

Krause Kids ROCK

2006-03-13T08:12:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I've been so blog averse lately. But, today I'm inspired to write, so here goes.

Things have been plodding along here at the Krause House. We've been busy busy bees lately between my yoga teacher training hours and Clark's travel for work. He and I haven't seen much of each other the last couple weeks. Don't get me started about his job. Really. I need to not get started on that one.

The kids are doing pretty great. I had a parent teacher conference for Madeline a couple weeks ago, and she's doing fan-freaking-tastic in school. The teacher actually said to me, 'you guys are doing such a great job with her.' What more can a parent ask for. Her teacher also recommended that we test her for the gifted program at the end of the year next year. We're SO proud. She's reading on at least a 3rd grade level, breezing through math and spelling, and getting along well with her classmates. She had a difficult transition when we moved last year, as some of you will recall, so it's a huge relief to see her not only thriving but excelling at school.

Other news on the school front, Madeline is going to be moving to a new school next year. They're changing school boundaries and building a new school. Unfortunately, the new school isn't going to be done being built until October or some such, so they have the brilliant plan of putting all the classes for the new school in with another school on the same campus so that the actual classes can be established at the beginning of the year and then move into the new school when it's complete. This other school is the one where most of the kids that will be attending the new school go. I think, overall, it will be a good move for her. The school she's in is fine, but it's sort of in the not so great neighborhood in our area, and that can be an issue sometimes. It's also really close to the freeway, so I have concerns about security. However, I am concerned about yet another change for her, especially when she's doing so well. If I let myself, I can get downright frantic about it. It can be SO HARD to feel like you're making the best decisions for your kids sometimes. I want her to have the best opportunities, but change is always stressful. Anyways, fingers are crossed that it's the right thing.

Zach is still his darling self, most of the time. He's taken to throwing little tantrums whenever he feels he's not getting his way, or if someone doesn't give him what he wants fast enough. It's annoying, but doesn't really last very long. He had an ear infection last weekend, which he seems to be pretty much over. We had some portraits done of him last month that we got back from the photographer this week. We spent a lot more than I had hoped, but they came out SO CUTE! I wish I could have bought more to send to all my peeps, but we already maxed out the budget and then some, so we'll just be happy with what we got. I still haven't found a preschool for him, and I seriously need to get back on the hunt. The few I looked at were either too far away, more of a day care type thing (all day, 5 days a week, which he's really not ready for), or religious based, and since it wasn't paganism, we decided to pass on those. Anybody know of a good pagan preschool? I thought not. :)

I was going to write about my yoga stuff on this post, but I've decided to save it for another day, maybe tomorrow. Brief overview: it's kicking my ass and I'm loving it. AND, I'm hanging out with grownups who actually seem to like talking to me. DOUBLE BONUS! I'm not sure how much anyone is interested in yoga stuff, maybe that's why I've been hesitating in posting much about it. I'm learning SO much, and am very pleased to be part of this yoga community. OK, more on that later.

Happy early birthday to Katy!! Love you darling!!!

Mother would be so proud

2006-03-11T19:34:00.000-08:00

You scored as Paganism. Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion.

Paganism

79%

Buddhism

75%

Satanism

58%

Hinduism

54%

agnosticism

54%

atheism

46%

Islam

46%

Christianity

33%

Judaism

29%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

Brought to you by the number 4

2006-02-21T13:09:00.000-08:00

Oookey Dokey. Since Stine tagged me, I guess I better.

Four jobs I've had.
1. Photographer at the KMart photo shop
2. Executive Assistant at Brian Head Resort
3. Production Assistant at a small software company
4. Mc Donald's (I specialized in front counter and drive thru)

Four movies I can watch over and over.
1. Lord of the Rings (any and all)
2. Kiki's Delivery Service
3. Somewhere in Time (thanks mom)
4. Nightmare Before Christmas

Four places I've lived.
1. Christchurch, New Zealand
2. Coon Rapids, Minnesota
3. Monterey, California
4. Cedar City, Utah

Four TV shows I love.
1. Miami Ink
2. What Not to Wear
3. NYPD Blue
4. starting to get into Grey's Anatomy

Four places I've vacationed.
1. Acapulco, Mexico
2. Miami, Florida
3. San Francisco, California
4. Phoenix, Arizona

Four of my favorite dishes.
1. Eggs Benedict
2. Cheese Ravioli
3. Pizza at Giovanni's
4. Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream

Four sites I visit daily.
1. Missuz J
2. Purplestine
3. Katydidz
4. Lyamhound

Four places I would rather be right now.
1. Stine's House
2. Boo's House
3. boneyard
4. Point Lobos

There ya go. Me in a nutshell.

Ok, ok, I guess I'll post

2006-02-01T15:59:00.000-08:00

Even though I have nothing to say.

It's been a fairly dull week around here. I've been sick, Zach got a new 'big boy' bed, and, um, Clark's out of town for a few days. I was talking to Stine just yesterday (I think it was yesterday, the days just seem to be running together lately) about how we were both uninspired to post about the mundane daily lives we've been living lately, but here I am, doing just that.

The only thing of any interest going on is that, in spite of being sick, I've been doing shitloads of yoga. I did 4 hours Saturday, 3 hours Monday and an hour (at home!) yesterday. Yeah, shitloads. I think I've crossed over into a place where doing MORE yoga is easier than doing LESS. I felt better after my second class in a row Monday than I'd felt in days. Suprising, but pleasantly so. My knee, however, is not thrilled. It's not swelling, or doing anything overt that would suggest injury, but it is consistently cranky. I'm starting to suspect an old injury in there, and am wondering if this is just something I'm going to have to live with, or if there is anything I can do to improve it. Getting old sucks ass.

You know, I thought with the new year, and starting this yoga teacher training thingy, that I was heading out of the hermit phase I've been in for the last year, but it seems to be not happening as much as I'd hoped. Maybe it's just the being sick thing, but (aside from actually being in the yoga studio) I mostly want to be left alone. I'm still enjoying reading about what everyone is doing, but not inspired to comment, and if you're my friend, and you DON'T have a blog, well, I have no idea what's going on with those people, and even though I DO care, I apparently don't care enough to reach out and connect with anyone.

I'm struggling with inertia I think. I can't seem to get up the momentum to do much of anything, and I don't even have the usual culprit to blame for it. My amotivational syndrome is all me right now. It's frustrating, because I would really like to do more. I'd like for my house to not be such a cluttered mess, and I'd like to get out more with my kids, and cook more, and keep in touch with my peeps, but the days just seem to slip by, and none of those things have happened. Ok, time to stop complaining about it. That's not going to help. I don't know what IS going to help, but that's not it.

Gee, aren't you glad I posted all that crap?

I'm BAAA-ACK!

2006-01-22T15:34:00.000-08:00

Thank god. FINALLY. The desk is finally done, the chair is finally bought (and assembled), and the new computer is here, set up, wireless enabled, and working. Whoda thunk it? Not I. I was seriously starting to think it was just not meant to be. It's been literally a year since I was able to work on a computer without having to sit on the floor to do it, and I gotta say, lumbar support KICKS ASS.

I'm trying to think of all the great things that have been going on since I've been offline, and honestly, nothing is coming to me. Ummm, Zach's new favorite word is 'creepy', pretty much everything and everyone has been referred to as creepy in the last week. Madeline is still doing great at school, but has got into the bad habit of 'talking back', and has had her butt spanked because of it. I VERY rarely spank, but sometimes enough is enough.

Oh yeah, I started teacher training at my yoga studio last week. So far it's been really great. I'm getting to know other yoga peeps, and learning shit too, how awesome is that? I need to get on the ball as far as doing my own practice at home, but that's been my issue with yoga for over a decade, so that's nothing new.

The birthday was good. Clark was supposed to be at some fancy shmancy work dinner in Santa Fe on my actual birthday, so we celebrated a little early with a date night on Friday the 13th. Chinese food and shoe shopping. Rad. Then, of course, the kids wanted to take me out to celebrate as a family, so we went to Chilis on the 16th. Then, it ended up that Clark didn't have to go to Santa Fe, so we went out to dinner AGAIN on my actual birthday, Italian food at Trombino's. YUM. Three meals out for the price of one birthday doesn't suck.

I've been catching up on reading all the stuff I missed while I was away, so now I've run out of free time for the afternoon. I need to go grocery shopping and figure out what's for dinner. Just wanted to let everyone know I'm back, and thanks for all the sweet birthday wishes! Later.

The Stine Story

2006-01-12T15:47:00.000-08:00

I've been in a bit of a funk lately. I sat down to write about it the other day, and my computer froze up on me (again, fuck!), so I took that as a sign that I shouldn't air dirty laundry on the internet. Suffice to say, I finally got the balls to resurrect a relationship issue that has been plaguing my marriage for, oh, going on 10 years now, and it sucks. Sucks ass. I know sometimes you have to put up with things sucking for awhile in order for them to get better, but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy it. I'm feeling better today. I got some shit off my chest, and even though I feel bad about rocking the boat, it needed rocked. We'll see how things progress from here. I'm not totally optimistic, but I do still have hope. My best girls are helping me through (thanks Stine and Beck!!). And on that note, I'm going to do a little Best Bud History Recap. I said I'd do a post about my friendship with the loverly Stine, so here goes.

Stine and I met in college. I actually met her through Lyam, as I knew him first. My freshman year I had a boyfriend who was an actor. His name was Rob, and he was a nice guy, as far as college guys go. He had a job as a receptionist of some kind in the theater department. Which meant I spent a lot of time sitting around the auditorium lobby listening to him spout off with his actor buddies. My favorite of these actor buddies was Lyam. Not only because he was the only one of said actor buddies that actually acknowledged my existence. He was sweet and smart and cute too. Eventually, Rob and Lyam entered into a creative project together. Lyam had written a great little one act play called "Tramp", and Rob was going to get it produced and direct it. As Rob's girlfriend, I got to be the stage manager. I had done some theater in high school, so this wasn't a total leap into the unknown, but that little show changed my life in ways I never could have imagined.

Stine was cast in a smallish part in the show. I enjoyed her right away. We didn't hang much during rehearsals (which seemed to stretch on FOREVER), but I could tell she was a cool chick. Not only because she and the other cool cats seemed to be involved in some kind of secret smoky meetings before and after rehearsal. She was talented, and nice, and also didn't treat me as a second class citizen for being the directors girlfriend. During the course of the show, Rob and I broke up, badly. I wasn't exactly professional about it all the time, I have to admit. Stine turned into a shoulder to cry on. I rebounded pretty quickly into the arms of my much older married boss (which is a Whole Other Story I may or may not get into someday), and learned to appreciate some of the more alternative means of mind expansion available to college kids through him. Even though he wasn't a college student, and really should have known better than to be messing around with me and introducing me to those kind of things. All of a sudden, I had something in common with the cool cats.

As you may be able to tell from the story thus far, I was in the middle of a huge period of change in my life. I was finally making a complete break from the church, and finding a new path to tread. It was confusing and frightening and difficult. I stayed in the theater department, even changing my major for a little while, and started hanging with the cool cats more often. (In no small part, I suspect, because I had a car and a job, handy things to have in a friend if you're a starving actor.) Stine and I hit it off pretty quick. She and Lyam were just starting to date, and the three of us became somewhat inseparable for awhile. My sweet sis Becky was also a part of the action, as she had been friends with Lyam from before. Becky has hinted at the tension which occurred between her and I during that time. We became jealous of each others closeness with Stine in a way we had NEVER been jealous of each other over boys. Stine, in her infinite wisdom sat us both down one afternoon and put a quick end to that, and we were all able to hang with no weirdness after that.

I remember those days with so much fondness, even though they were some of the craziest of my life. I was terribly in love with a completely inappropriate man, finding a new sexual freedom I had never even suspected existed, and opening my mind in new and exhilarating ways. Through all this, I had a new big sister to hold my hand and keep me grounded. Stine read my tarot cards, worked with me to balance my chakras, and told me I wasn't crazy more times than I can count. We ventured into substances we really shouldn't have, and decided to quit said substances together. I learned about her affinity for Basic Menthol Lite 100's, and then witnessed her quit smoking in one fell swoop one afternoon while I was having a come apart about a completely unrelated subject. We cruised the desert and the mountains in my old Ford Escort, and played naked in the streams and valleys of Southern Utah. Aaah, Good Times, our Summer of Love.

As the summer came to a close, and I was unceremoniously kicked out of my parents house for refusing to go to church any more, we talked about moving in together in the fall. I was really excited to have my best friend as a roommate. However, when Lyam came back to school, it became evident that these two were meant to be, and they decided to live together. We briefly considered getting a place for the three of us, but probably for the best, it didn't work out that way. I did get to be their next door neighbor though. We all moved into the notorious Cedar Crest apartments, me with Michael, a sweet, if somewhat annoying, gay man in the theater department, who sometimes had a hard time shutting up, them, together, in the unit next door. The Cedar Crest days were rocky and great. I know I was a bit of a pest, constantly crashing their pad, and living there as much, if not more, than at my actual apartment. I was learning a lot about independence (especially after it was finally over with the by that time ex-boss), and they were learning a lot about being a couple. It was hard for everyone at times, but I will be forever grateful for the support and comfort both Stine and Lyam gave me during that time.

The end of the school year rolled around, and it was time for everyone to move on. Stine was graduating, and they were headed up to Salt Lake City for a few months on their way to Seattle. I had met Clark by that time, and was hoping he'd ask me to move in with him after my lease was up at Cedar Crest. Which he did :). I was really sad to see Stine go. I was a military brat, and had a lot of experience with friends moving away, none of it very good. She assured me that we'd always be best buds, and by golly she was right. I'd almost say we're closer now than we were when we were next door neighbors. We call all the time, email, instant message, and now blog to keep in touch. I was the matron of honor at Lyam and Christine's wedding a short 2 months after Clark and I tied the knot. I've been to Seattle TONS of times, to enjoy my pals talents on stage, and sometimes just to hang for a few days. I named my daughter Madeline Christine.

I consider Stine to be my soul sister. She has been there for me through thick and thin, and I'd like to think I've been there for her too. She has given me many a nudge on the path I've chosen, and lights the way with her honesty and strength. She has supported me in every decision, even when she didn't entirely agree with them. Some of the best times of my life have been simply sitting around, playing cards, laughing my ass off with her. She is talented beyond belief and every time I have the honor of seeing her onstage, it changes me, always for the better. She is a true example to me of what a woman can have and be. I love you, sweetheart, thank you doesn't come close to cutting it, but I'll say thank you anyways. Thank you for EVERYTHING.

Stine Surgery Update

2006-01-06T20:24:00.000-08:00

A quick note regarding Stine's surgery. I just got an email from Lyam, and, um, I'll just copy it into here.

"Just letting all you kids/cats/kaboodles know that, according to those in the know, Christine's throat surgery went smoothly today. The best news is that she seems to be breathing unassisted, which means that the nerve attached to the left vocal cord is probably unaffected, which bodes well for the future of her voice. All in all, good and encouraging signs/news."

Sooo, so far so good. :)

I've been wanting to post some stuff about my lovely Stine, and how we met and became best friends and all that, I'll try to get to it this weekend. Right now, I'm tired, and relieved, and going to bed.

Continued prayers for a quick and complete recovery!

New Year's Recap

2006-01-04T11:41:00.000-08:00

Aaah, New Year's Eve. How I look forward to you every year, and how I look back on you for days and days after.

What a whirlwind that was! It was really great to be able to spend another New Year's with old friends. It was the perfect combination of people, and the perfect location, with no trauma as yet revealed, and from all appearances good times had by all. Paul and Jen are the best hosts in the universe, it's official. There was alcohol in abundance (although some or most of that was provided by Dave and Mark, thanks guys!), champagne toast at midnight, and scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits and bloody mary's in the morning. Does it get any better than that?

I am seriously in love with the Dale Family Cabin as well. It's actually Paul's parents place, up a dirt road, in the juniper trees. It has one of the most beautiful views I've ever seen. I got to wake up to the sun coming up over the red mountains bordering Kolob Canyon. Of course, that was after only 2 hours sleep, and with the sun right in my eyes, but I'm not complaining one little bit. Paul's parents have a tradition of ringing in the new year on Catalina Island off the coast of Southern California, and I just can't say how much I appreciate their generosity in letting us crash their pad while they're away.

I didn't see too much of my Smith family while I was there (sorry Katester!), but I did get to spend some one on one time with Sweet Sophie Gene. I realized the first night at Becky's that I'd NEVER got to do that before. I always had my kids around whenever I got to spend time with her. We bonded, it was fabulous. She's so cute, and so funny, and says the darndest things, but you all know that already.

I found out that I'm better at Foozeball than I thought I was. (How the hell do you spell foozeball? that just doesn't look right. oh well) I played some with Janzen, and some with Becky, and while I didn't win, I wasn't as bad as I thought I'd be. I didn't get the chance to see if I could still lay a beating on Dave at the pool table, but we did reminisce about the days when I did.

I never thought I'd have friends from college (and high school, wow) that I'd still be partying with in my 30's. With all the moving we did as kids, I didn't think I'd ever have friends for more than a year or two. I have more fun with those people now than I did then. Of course, now we're much more able to acquire those 'social lubricants' (you know what I mean, dirty minds), and much better at handling it, AND there is Karaoke, which I never, ever would have thought these guys would be into to the degree they are. I'm trying to remember what I sang, and it's a tad fuzzy, maybe Kodi and Missuz J will help. I remember 'Fly Away' with both of them, which was so beautiful, and me making a bit of a mess of 'Just A Girl' with Kods. I also did 'Walk the Line' with the little girls. (Is 11 and 13 years old still considered little?) Dave did a stellar rendition of 'Super Freak', and as part of that deal, Erik did... ummm... what was it? DANG! Whatever it was, it was fun, and I got a picture of it on Becky's camera which she did not post. Maybe I'll have to try, I think she did send a copy to me. Jen sang and sang this year which was very cool, but I wished we would have heard more from Mark. Apparently he started drinking at about noon, and crashed early. Oh well. I also can't remember what Paul sang, other than the Prince marathon he and Jen did later on when everyone else was downstairs ;) , but he rocked the house as always.

So, there's my New Year's Recap, at least what parts of it are fit for public consumption. It was awesome, and I'm so glad I went. I was SO tired yesterday, so much so that I fell asleep on the couch while waiting for it to be time to pick up Madeline from school, and the school had to call me to wake me up to go get her. Embarrassing. Today is better, even if I still feel like a little part of me is lurking downstairs at the cabin, desperately trying to hold on to the Good Times. Oh well, I guess that's just how it goes.

Posting from the home of Missuz J (I'm so cool)

2005-12-31T16:39:00.000-08:00

The party gods have smiled upon me. Clark got a 'frequent flyer' free ticket anywhere from Southwest Airlines. Of course, I had to maneuver around the 'blackout dates' and the fact that Southwest doesn't actually fly into Cedar City, but thanks to the kindness of friends of friends in Vegas who let me crash in their spare room, and a not that bad at all shuttle ride to St. George, I am HERE!!! Southern Utah for New Year's!! WOO HOO!!!!!

I know you're wondering, what's so great about New Year's in Southern Utah, well, I'll tell you. I get to go to the annual Karaoke in Kannaraville New Year's Party thrown by the fabulous Paul and Jen. AND, I get to go with MY SISTER, and post to my blog from HER HOUSE!!! I can hardly contain my excitement, and I haven't even started drinking yet.

Hope everyone has a safe and happy night tonight, and that the blogging will recommence in earnest in the new year.

BRING ON THE PARTY!!

Since Stine asked

2005-12-20T18:55:00.000-08:00

Mom's Cheeseball

5 2 oz. packages Budding Corned Beef, finely chopped
3 8 oz. packages cream cheese
1 small onion, finely chopped
3 tbs. Worchestershire Sauce
1 tbs. Accent

Mix 1/2 the corned beef with the rest of the ingredients
Chill
Form into 2 balls, roll in remaining corned beef
Serve with crackers or bagels

Somehow it doesn't look as yummy when you read the recipe, but once you get started it's hard to stop. Maybe it's the MSG. I guess there's a reason it's a once a year kind of thing. All I know is that it's not Christmas without it. Mmmmmm, cheeeeese balllllll.

Oh, and I fixed the link on the "What Christmas Tree Are You" quiz thingy, in case you'd like to know what kind of tree YOU are.

It's beginning to look a lot like...

2005-12-19T16:32:00.000-08:00

You Are a Cranberry and Popcorn Strung Tree

Christmas is all about showcasing your creative talents.

From cookies to nicely wrapped presents, your unique creations impress everyone.

What Christmas Tree Are You?

The tree is trimmed, and most of the presents are in the mail. I'm going to call that progress. I'm still trying to find my Christmas Spirit, and it's still eluding me. Tomorrow we'll start cookies and make cheese ball, maybe that will help.

Trudging through the Holidays

2005-12-14T11:24:00.000-08:00

Check me! Two posts in as many days, wow, I'm on some kind of a roll here. ;)

We just got back from Madeline's school where they were having their Christmas around the world, Mexican themed, Holiday potluck. We brought juice (V8 Splash, Strawberry Banana and Mango Peach, big hits), and forks and were about 3 minutes late which seriously stressed Miss Madeline out. It was fun. I stayed and helped pour drinks and serve rice and beans and taquitos, and quesadillas and such. I finally got up the nerve to talk to one of the other moms who helps out in the classroom a lot. She has a very sweet boy who's in Madeline's class, and a super cute little girl who's a little younger than Zach. They live around the corner from us, and I've been wanting to introduce myself to her all school year. What can I say, I'm a pussy. We even ran into them at our favorite pizza place last Friday, clear across town. Maybe it's meant to be. I'm trying to get up the balls to invite them over for a play date during Christmas Vacation, or Winter Break, or whateverthehell they're calling it these days. She just seems a little too cute and popular for me, but I need to pull my head out and tell myself I'M COOL TOO! Really, I am! OK, enough self-pep-talk.

My Christmas preparations are still seriously slacking. I'm trying, really I am, but I seem to be being thwarted at every turn. I had Clark and Zach pick up a new tree stand, since I decided to try a real tree again this year, and the fucking thing keeps leaking. We put the tree in it on Sunday night, and Monday morning it had leaked all over the floor. Luckilly, I had the foresight to put down one of my painting tarps under it, or else my new wood floor would have been ruined. I single handedly took the tree out of the stand and took it outside to try and figure out what was wrong with it, and filled it up again, this time double checking that the tank was securely seated in it's special spot. No leakage. So, I figured it had been operator error, and put the damn thing back together again. It was good for about a day, then yesterday, as I'm trying to finish putting the lights up, I notice that the fucker is leaking again! Huh? After putting up a bunch of outside lights only to find that the outside outlet isn't working, and finding that about half my lights for the tree aren't working any more, I officially gave up yesterday. The lights are sitting on the front porch, the tree is still half lit, the stand is half taken apart, and I have no idea if the tree is getting any water at all.

Soooo, to distract myself from the miserable luck I was having with the decorating, I took myself to the late show of "Chronicles of Narnia" last night. I gotta say it was pretty good. It had me in tears in the first five minutes (the moms, the kids, the train, heartwrenching), and I thought the child actors were quite fantastic. I had a hard time getting why Edmund would run off to the witch, she didn't seem that magnetic to me, but who knows why kids do stuff sometimes I guess. I wasn't too impressed with Peter in the beginning, but he grew on me, and Lucy was just adorable. I was yawning by the end, but that's just cause I went to the late show on a weeknight. By myself. Ah, the joys of parenting.

I gotta turn right around and pick up Madeline from school in about half an hour, then we're taking her to the doctor. She's had this weird tummy ache for about a week and a half. It seems to me like she's constipated, although she has pooped a couple times. I keep pushing the fiber, and laying off the dairy, but it doesn't really seem to be getting better. She hasn't had any fever, or any other symptoms, so I feel a little silly taking her in, but it's been a long time, and every time it seems better, it's worse again by the end of the day. I'm running out of things to try. Are there stool softeners out there for kids? I'm afraid he's going to give me some kind of supository for her, and I REALLY don't want to go there. So, fingers crossed that there's a relatively easy way to help her feel better soon.

Tonight I must finish decorating the tree, and tomorrow I must start Christmas Shopping. Ugh. I have NO IDEA what to get for most of the people on my list, particularly my parents. Grown ups are hard to shop for. I'm not even sure what my kids want, beyond Zach asking for a Dora Kitchen. Clark asked me the other day if he should be worried about Zach's current Strawberry Shortcake infatuation, and I told him no, but I have noticed he's much more interested in girl toys than the typical boy toys. I think it's because he has a big sister and that's what's around the house, but it's funny how you can't help but notice. Madeline's not interested in any toys at the moment, and is much more into the computer and her books. We'll have lots of little rectangular presents under the tree this year. Come to think of it, maybe I'll just get everyone books. Would that be silly? It'd certainly simplify my shopping list. Hmmm, have to think on that.

Hey! I think I fixed it!

2005-12-13T11:35:00.000-08:00

I took off all the kids software (sorry kids!) to be installed on the extra laptop we 'acquired' from Clark's old job, ran the spybot software (thanks Eric!), and ran the virus checker thingy. Some stuff came up on the spybot scan, so I just pushed the FIX IT button and crossed my fingers. I'm so computer illiterate these days.

I had a nice long post all ready to go yesterday, and now I'm feeling uninspired again. I've been kindof hiding out lately. Sinking into the lull between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I need to get my poop in a group though, cause I haven't even STARTED Christmas shopping yet, and the tree is only half decorated. This is the first Christmas I will have spent without my Smith family. I was hoping to see MissuzJ and the fabulous Sophie Gene, along with their male counterparts, but alas, it is not to be. I don't want to bum the Missuz off any more by complaining about the suck assedness of that, but it is bumming me out a bit.

One good thing about hiding out was that I did get a ton of yoga in. I've been slacking again the last week or so, but last weekend (weekend before last? I don't remember) I went to a great yoga workshop put on by favorite Albuquerque teacher. I also managed to get both my midweek classes in for the week before and the week after. It was really nice to start to feel some accumulative effects of that much work. Sometimes I feel like I'm running to stand still as far as the yoga goes. I'm learning a ton, but my body hasn't quite caught up yet. I told Clark, and mentioned to my teacher, that I'd like to start the teacher training program offered at the studio I go to. It is a huge deal for me to be able to say I WANT something, so I'm feeling pretty vulnerable about it. We'll have to see if the budget can stretch that far.

Madeline and I saw "Disney's Beauty and the Beast" Sunday. What a cluster fuck that was. Clark heard about it and sent me an email with a link to Ticketmaster. I thought it sounded like some good holiday fun, so I booked the tickets online through Ticketmaster. Since they charge you almost $20 bucks to ship the tickets to you, I just had them hold them at Will Call. Anyhoo, I put it on the calendar, and didn't think about it again until the day before the show. I was sure that the venue was the "Kiva" theater, which I thought I knew the exact location of. Yeah, not so much. Unfortunately, my computer was throwing a hissy fit, so I couldn't double check it online, but I did try to look up the Kiva Theater in the phone book. Not there. Clark got home later than I would have hoped from his Sunday Meeting, so we were already running late, but I thought we'd barely make it, and I was SURE I knew where this thing was. We raced downtown, grabbed a parking spot, ran down the sidewalk to the KIMO theater (ok, I thought, I got the wrong word, that explains why I couldn't find it in the phonebook), doors locked, no one there. I called Clark in a panic, and he said he was sure it was in the auditorium on campus. So, at 2:00, as the show was starting, we headed toward campus. Clark unsuccessfully tried to get back on the computer, and ended up calling the auditorium on campus while we were driving around, and eventually found out that it was in the Kiva Auditorium in the Convention Center. So, I wasn't crazy about the Kiva thing, which was nice to know, but I had no idea where the fucking convention center was. Back downtown we drive, following the couple signs pointing toward the convention center, but the actual building had NO signage, NOTHING indicating that Beauty and the Beast was there, and NO mention of the Kiva Auditorium. At this point, I was about ready to bawl, seriously. I pulled into a scary looking parking structure (with NO ONE in the parking person booth thingy), parked the car, and started searching the convention center. Again, NO signs. Almost on accident we ended up walking around a corner, and there it was!! Thank God! Of couse, by that time we were almost half an hour late, and there was no one at the Will Call desk, so we hunted someone down and they hustled us in. Into the shittiest seats in the house, but hey, at that point I was NOT complaining. At intermission, we found our real seats which were much better, and Madeline, bless her heart, was a total sweetheart the whole time. I think she sensed I was on the verge. The show was decent, and I think she had a good time, but it was definitely a huge pain in the ass.

OK, I better go feed the little one. Just had to get that out, and make an appearance here in blogopolis. Time to start coming out of my shell again, and get this Christmas thing going already.

Computer Suckage

2005-12-13T09:01:00.000-08:00

Ok, so my computer is totally sucking ass the last few days. I had a post all started yesterday and the damn thing froze on me. It keeps freezing up completely, and for no good reason. I'm going to post this real quick before it does it again. I'm going to try to get it fixed today, hopefully, cause this is really, REALLY bugging me. Wish me luck, and happy holidays if it completely takes a shit on me, which is totally possible. Grrr.

Thanksgiving, Christmas trees, and home again

2005-12-01T11:12:00.000-08:00

So, I got a digital camera, kindof. My mother in law sent us hers, since she doesn't use it, so we could try it out and figure out what kind and with what features we want to buy. I don't know if/when she expects it back, but it is a fun new toy for sure. I'm still new to this digital photo posting thing, so bear with me. I obviously need to enable the red-eye reducing feature, or figure out how to doctor them digitally, especially with all our fair kidlets, and my focus is not always spot on, but I'm learning. As far as the posting goes, they're totally out of order, but hey, they're up there. The Christmas tree outing actually happened the day after thanksgiving, and it was really fun. They have a thing in Cedar called the 'American Children's Christmas Festival', complete with tree displays, santa visits, parades, and musical programs. We missed the parade this year, but I always enjoy the trees the most anyways.

I think Becky and Katy covered the actual Thanksgiving festivities pretty well, so I won't rehash all that. All in all, we had a really good visit with the fam. The weather cooperated, no driving in snow on any of the FOUR days we were in the car, and it was quite comfortable in Cedar while we were there. The kids were fantastic in the car, mostly watching their dvd's (thank GOD for the dvd player) and eating snacks. We had one moment of panic when the cordless earphones were accidentally run over, but we cruised down to St. George and picked up another pair on our way out of town, no biggie. The kids all played together nicely, and the adults played together mostly nicely. I won't rehash that part either.

Sorry it took so long to get this stuff up, Becky, I have no excuse other than being a lazy ass.

2005-12-01T11:11:00.000-08:00

Soooo sleeepy.

2005-12-01T11:09:00.000-08:00

Story time by the Seuss Trees

2005-12-01T11:07:00.000-08:00

Sophie and Zach by the Mickey Tree

2005-12-01T11:05:00.000-08:00

Zach by the Elmo Tree

2005-12-01T11:04:00.001-08:00

Madeline and Soph by the Barbie Tree

2005-12-01T11:04:00.000-08:00

Madeline and Sophie by the Care Bear Tree

2005-12-01T11:00:00.000-08:00

Celebration of trees

2005-12-01T10:59:00.000-08:00

SMOOCH!

2005-12-01T10:57:00.001-08:00

Soph and Boo on the porch

2005-12-01T10:57:00.000-08:00

Zach helps Grandpa with some watering

2005-12-01T10:56:00.000-08:00

Sweet Sophie Gene, with a matching watering can even.

2005-12-01T10:55:00.000-08:00

Helping Grandpa plant some bulbs

2005-12-01T10:54:00.000-08:00

Zach and Grandma examine the turkey (pre-carving)

2005-12-01T10:53:00.000-08:00

The hallowed Thanksgiving Table (Madeline did the setting)

2005-12-01T10:52:00.000-08:00

The three Smith Sisters

2005-12-01T10:51:00.000-08:00

Getting at the tasty bits

2005-12-01T10:50:00.000-08:00

Making braids

2005-12-01T10:49:00.001-08:00

Zach and Sophie play computer

2005-12-01T10:49:00.000-08:00

Boo gets ready for Karaoke Revolution

2005-12-01T10:47:00.000-08:00

Eric, Janzen and Madeline chillin on the couch at Grandma's house

Parting shots (again), it must be the holidays

2005-11-22T12:45:00.001-08:00

We're leaving for Grandma Diane's house for Thanksgiving today. I REALLY should be packing. I can't wait to see my mom and dad and sisters and especially sweet Sophie Gene. I don't think my bro is going to be there, but I'm not totally sure. It'd sure be great if we could all be together, it's been awhile since that happened, which feels a little weird, considering we used to all be together probably once a week for a long time.

Madeline brought home some interesting books from her first grade reading room last week, and I'm not too sure what to make of it. They were, "The Trojan Horse, How the Greeks won the War" and "Pompei, Buried Alive". OK, is it just me, or do those titles not seem quite appropriate for first grade reading. I know it's challenging to find things that are at her reading level, and not above her head, but 'Buried Alive'?? It just seems a little too intense. She and Clark read them, and talked about them, and about how those things happened a long time ago, and that she didn't need to worry about any volcanos in Albuquerque, but I'm bordering on resentful that I didn't get to chose when to have those kinds of conversations with her. I know I'm being overprotective, but still. Am I crazy here?

She also went to the dentist last week. The day after parent teacher conference. Two cavities. Shit. That'll put a damper on the good report festivities. I tried to play it off, because I know she was pretty disapointed, but hell, I was a little disapointed myself. Not particularly suprised, but it will be a pain in the ass (for her more than me) to get them drilled and all. We also found out that her two upper lateral adult teeth are not there. Yeah, not there. They are the two that are next to the two front teeth. The dentist recommended that we definitely keep her on our dental insurance, cause she will use it. I guess they used to use braces to try to move the back teeth forward in these kind of cases, but now they put her in a retainer with fake teeth on it to serve as spacers, and then put in implants at 18. A retainer. Until she's 18. That really does suck ass.

We had a really nice family weekend. Well, some of it was family, some of it was me hiding out from the family. I spent most of Saturday on my own, which was really nice. I had to go acquire a 'morning after pill' after an embarrasing snafu Friday night. (How could I FORGET that I was unable to refill my b.c. rx this month? Stupid me. TMI? sorry) Anyhoo, it is nice to know that one can get such a thing without a doctors prescription in New Mexico, if need be. After that, I took myself to Harry Potter. It ROCKED. I am a pretty huge fan, but fan blindness aside, I thought it was still awesome. And totally worth standing in line for over an hour. I'd like to see it again on the big screen without having to stand in the line, but I'm glad I got in on opening weekend. Everything was a suprise, and some of the imagery was even better than what I had imagined reading the book, and THAT is tough to pull off. Sunday, Clark made a lovely breakfast, and then we went to the zoo for the afternoon as a reward for Madeline's good report from her teacher. It was cool, and we made it a point to hunt down a few of the things we hadn't seen before, like the koala, and the seals, and the naked mole rats. Naked mole rats are cool. After the zoo, we went out to dinner at Frontier, and then home and early to bed. Nice.

OK, really, really must start packing now. Think I can do it all in 2 hours? Me neither.

Happy Thanksgiving! I may try to post on the road, hopefully with pics, but who knows. Safe travels to anyone who's travelling, and happy turkey making to anyone who's not.

Parting shots (again), it must be the holidays

2005-11-22T12:45:00.000-08:00

Parent Teacher Joy

2005-11-15T13:19:00.000-08:00

I went to a parent teacher conference with Madeline's teacher this morning. I am pleased to report that she is doing fantastic across the board. She's reading above grade level, she's quick and accurate with her math, and she's had straight 100's in spelling. Her teacher says she's sweet, fun, respectful, and a joy to have in class. How rocking is that?! I'm SO proud. She had a rough transition changing schools in the middle of the year last year, and spent a few months being angry and not interested in school (as some of you know), and it's such a huge weight lifted to see her thriving and happy. Now, every day when I pick her up from school she says she had a GREAT day. You just can't ask for more than that from your child's school experience. We just need to find a fantastic preschool for Little Z, and we'll be set.

Sorry about the vagueness of that last post. Sometimes it's hard to know where to draw the line between honesty and privacy (mine and others). I'm glad I wrote about it, for me as much as anything else, and hopefully lessons were learned all around. I know I learned some. That boundaries thing, it can be a bitch sometimes.

I'm baaack

2005-11-11T13:46:00.000-08:00

Hey all,

I've been officially ordered to blog about my trip, so here goes. Just warning you, it's a little foggy in recollection, but I'll try to hit the main points. I'm also still processing some of what happened, and hope everyone concerned will have patience with my side of the story.

The flight out was a little stressful, but ended up being ok. When I got to the airport Friday afternoon, my flight out of Albuquerque had been delayed an hour. So, I was in jeopardy of missing my connection in San Francisco. Which wouldn't have been the end of the world since there was another flight into Seattle out of SF about an hour or so later, but I REALLY wanted to get there, and didn't want my friend Matt (who so graciously offered to pick me up from the airport) to sit around wondering where I was. (p.s. get a cell phone dude!) I barely made the connection after running my ass through the SF airport, and got there on time, as did my luggage, so all was well.

We cruised over to Stine's place, getting only marginally lost along the way, and proceeded to hang out and wait for her to get home from the show. Maybe now is a good time to mention about Matt. Matt is one of my oldest (other than my fam, known me the longest) friends. We met Freshman year in high school in Monterey. We've had a semi-rocky but seriously tight friendship ever since. He is currently living in So. Cali. but his little bro lives in Seattle and he was up visiting him the same weekend I was visiting Stine. I was excited to see him, but nervous about being in the same space as him (we've only experienced each other in proximity once since I left California, and it was a tad tense), and nervous about how to accomplish spending a little time with him and also getting to spend the time I wanted to with Stine. Long story short, feeling a little torn. To add to the conflict, his wife had just told him she was leaving the week before. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Friday night was nice. We all got to hang. My head almost exploded a couple times, just from having Matt and Stine in the same space at the same time. Stine knows me best of anybody, and she was certainly picking up on my nervousness, and just being in the same room with Matt makes my head want to explode sometimes. Stine and Ly went to bed, and Matt and I stayed up and chatted into the wee hours. I was hoping that spending some serious time discussing where he was at with the divorce and the job situation and all, and just allowing our energies to be in the same space and get used to each other at close range, would alleviate the nervousness, and help me to be more relaxed about the friend dynamics of the trip. It did, and it didn't, but you'll see.

Saturday, Stine had a client at the chiropractor's office for massage, so both she and Ly (the workingest kid I know right now) were off to work fairly early. Even though I had been up late, I was up around the same time they were. I called Matt to see if he wanted to rendezvous for some breakfast, and right after I got off the phone with him, Stine called me. Seems her client went wacko on her, and stormed out, so, no massaging going on. She was headed back home. Conflict. What to do? Wanted to hang with Stine, but didn't want to be rude to Matt. I called him back, and explained what had happened, told him I'd call him later about the how and when of going to the show that night, and waited for Stine to get home. We walked up to Coastal Kitchen and had a marginal breakfast (their stuff is usually much better than what we had, weird), stopped by the vitamin store to stock up, dropped by the grocery store, and went home. We figured out our plan for the evening, called Matt again and left a message, and spent the rest of the afternoon chilling.

Saturday night. Hadn't heard from Mr. Matt (for some reason Stine's apartment is a black hole for my cell phone), so Stine arranged another ride to the theater. By the time I heard back from him, we were going to have to hurry to manage to eat something before the show, plus, we didn't know how to get there. Got marginally lost a couple times on the way over, grabbed a Subway sandwich, and got drenched in the rain before the show.

The Show. Wow. It was SOOOOOO GOOOOD!!! Stine just blew me away. The rest of the cast was fantastic. My second favorite performance would have to have been Phillip, who played Stine's husband. The dynamic between the two of them was perfect. I feel like I shouldn't be surprised by the depth of talent my best friend has, but every time it surfaces, I'm surprised again. She had me in tears at one point. I laughed, I cried, my ass fell asleep, good times. I wish I were one of those writers who could help you experience just how fantastic it was, but I'm not. Just trust me when I say it was a heartbreaking, mind blowing, super-fantastic performance.

After the show, we cruised back to Stine's place with a couple other people from the cast. Stine and Phillip and I rode in the backseat together, it was fun. I started getting into my theater fan, out of towner, hanging with the cool people mode. Something about getting so far out of my daily life is really good for me. I could never do theater, the lifestyle would likely kill me dead, but I'm a serious appreciator, and spending a little time with the people who make it happen is frosting on the cake. Looking back, I maybe should have asked Matt to drop us off, and sent him to go hang with his bro, but I didn't. We stopped by the grocery store to pick up some beer, and maybe it should have been a red flag when he bought himself a bottle of wine, but it wasn't. Can you see where this is going? I'm not going to try to recap the entire evening, but it ended with Matt leaving much later than I had wanted him to, and then me sitting in the dark crying. So much for no breakdowns in Seattle.

Woke up Sunday morning and cried a little more. I was just really really angry. Matt is one of the few people in my life that can make me angry like that. We have a complicated relationship, he and I, and sometimes it spills over into my real life much more than I would like. We have talked through what happened, and I think we understand each other about the boundaries, and the misunderstandings, and the piss poor timing, and all that, but at the time, I was just furious that I had lost some of the precious little time I had to spend with my bestest friend in all the land. Thank god we had all day Sunday to hang out uninterrupted.

Sunday. Stine made me the best scrambled eggs ever, we watched some Buffy, listened to some music, played some cards, had some massage, it was super-nice. It just went way too fast. Before I knew it, the sun was going down. Ly came home, and we went out to dinner. I had planned on Kingfish, which ROCKS, but it was closed, so we walked back up to Coastal Kitchen. Better meal this time than breakfast Saturday, so that was good. Went back to their place and watched 'Millions'. Very cute film, highly recommended. We passed out early, which brings us to...

Monday. Stine was supposed to work, so I was going to grab brunch with Matt and then head to the airport. That had been my plan. I wasn't so much looking forward to dealing with Matt, though, and then Stine's work fell through again, so some rearranging was in order. Matt came to the house, I gave him a cd Stine and I had put together for him, and got back a tape I had left in his rental car. I think at this point it was obvious that Stine and I needed the few remaining hours I was going to be there to be together, and he picked up on the (none too subtle I'm sure) hint, and left to have lunch with his bro. A little more Buffy, a little more chill time, and then I was in a cab to the airport. The sun came out on my way, and it was really nice to just be able to sit in the back of the cab, close my eyes, and let the sun beat down on my face.

Ran into Matt briefly in the airport, as he was also flying out that afternoon, and we had some words. The flight back was uneventful, everything according to plan. It just felt really nice to be by myself for a few hours. Read some silly magazines and finished off my book. (Salman Rushdie, 'The Ground Beneath Her Feet' I found it incredibly interesting after I got through the first 100 pages, and now I want everyone to read it and tell me what they think. One of those.) It was really nice to be going back to Albuquerque and realize that it was going home, and that it felt good.

All in all, I think I cleared out some things that needed clearing, and refueled enough to feel like the trip was worthwhile. It didn't play out like I wanted it to or expected it to, but as Stine said, it probably worked out like it should. I am so grateful that I got a chance to see my girl on stage, that was definitely one of the highlights. I came home relaxed and refreshed, which isn't how I always come home from Seattle, so that was really good too. In the past, Clark has asked why I even bother going if I'm going to come home so twisted up, this time, he said, wow, I think we need to send you to Seattle more often, so I'm not going to argue with that.

Sorry for the delay on posting all this. As I said, it took awhile to process, and things have just been busy. Tuesday I was beat, and spent the day doing mostly nothing. Wednesday was Clark's birthday, so I spent most of the day in the kitchen. I made some luscious baby back ribs, his mom's homemade macaroni-n-cheese recipe (which came out so much better than the time I made it for you, Stine), a yummy salad with cabbage, carrots, red pepper, apple and raisins, and chocolate cake with fudge frosting from scratch. Thursday I finally got my ass out of the house and ran some errands that had been piling up. So, aside from fighting the headache from hell, it's been a good week.

Parting Shots

2005-11-03T11:30:00.000-08:00

I'm off to Seattle tomorrow!!! Yay Yay Yay!!

We've been getting through, here at the Krause House the last week or so. As some of you know, the work situation has been stressing things around here, but I'm happy to say, I think we're through the worst of it. (Knocking on wood!, cause every time I say that, I get fucked, I should learn) Clark was in Washington DC on Halloween. Suck ass. I was pissed. Not at him, just at the situation in general, but I didn't let it get me too down. We made costumes, and decorated the front windows and just got on with it without him.

Madeline was a garden fairy. She wore white sweats and turtleneck with a yellow t-shirt over it and a yellow flower petal fairy skirt (which I made, thank you very much). She had an ivy crown with daisys and butterflies, and fairy wings, and a butterfly wand, and she was GORGEOUS. If I do say so. I got some pics, and blah blah blah, they might get posted some day.

Zach was a pirate. He'd been practicing with his "Aargh, me hearties!" and was getting really good, but I couldn't get him to say it while he was trick or treating. He had black pants, a red and white striped long sleeve, a red and black scarf tied around his waist to hold his sword, a pirate hat (FINALLY found one, the day before halloween, for $10, whatever), and we painted a patch on him in black eyeliner. He was awesome.

I think Madeline enjoyed passing out candy as much as anything. She'd hurry past me to grab the candy bowl and then she'd stand there with it and say, "Please take one of your choosing." Queen of the candy bowl, reigning benevolently over the trick or treaters.

We trick or treated a little in our neighborhood. There were two houses the kids wanted to hit for sure, with fabulous decorations, so we hit those, and the ones in between. After trick or treating, we came home, put in "The Nightmare Before Christmas", and had popcorn and some treats. It was actually really fun, but definitely would have been better with Clark there.

I'm SO EXCITED for Seattle I can hardly sit still. I CAN'T WAIT to see the show, and my Stine and everyone!! We're going to paartay! Oh, and probably also get a massage :), and do some yoga, and chill, and play cards, and eat eat eat. I only wish I could stay a little longer, or get there a little sooner. I just feel like my energy is in a really good place to be going there right now. In the past, I have brought my breakdowns to Seattle. You know, those little issues that you keep a lid on, and then when you have enough physical distance from the problem, it hits you in the ass. Yeah, a couple of those. This time, I don't feel any of those lurking. I feel very free and available to just go and have a good time with the people I care most about outside my family. It's really good to have people like that. People who you can step outside your roles as mother, wife, daughter, etc. and just be yourself.

I'll be back late Monday, for those of you I won't be seeing, and for those of you I WILL be seeing, SEE YOU SOON!!! WOO HOO!

More Krauses, just what you wanted

2005-10-27T20:03:00.000-07:00

I said I'd do a little Krause family history, so here it goes.

Clark is the youngest of 3 kids. Katy is the oldest and Bernie is the middle. I think Katy is about 7 years older than Clark, and Bernie about 3. They had a pretty great childhood, from what I've been told. They grew up mostly in Fresno, CA, but also had a cabin in Yosemite where they spent all their summers. They did a lot of hiking, fishing, camping, swimming in the river, and that kind of stuff. Clark was actually a wrangler and guided horseback backcountry treks into the wilds of Yosemite during the summer for several years during high school and college. As I type that, I am amazed he and I have anything at all to talk about. He was very outdoorsy from a very early age.

Clark's parents were a little older than the norm when they had their kids. I think his dad was 40 when Clark came along. Bill was an amazing man. So sweet, so accepting, so in tune with nature. He passed away about a year and a half ago from prostate cancer. It was very difficult for all the family, Clark especially. He always had a special relationship with his dad, and they talked on the phone several times a week for as long as I've known him. Bill never knew his dad, I think he was out of the picture before Bill was even born, and his mom was a raging alcoholic. I think he had a total of 10 stepdads, and was in and out of foster care quite a lot. He served in the military during WWII as a fighter pilot, and made a living for a time after that as a boxer. It's amazing that he got through his childhood in tact, and miraculous that he came through it the gentle, caring man that he was.

Pat grew up in Minnesota in a fairly poor farming family. She doesn't hesitate to tell anyone that she considered her childhood mostly miserable. Her mom was pretty judgmental and overbearing, but she doesn't talk much about her dad. She was the kind of kid who chose to sit inside and sulk because they didn't have smooth sidewalks she could rollerskate on at the farm, instead of going out and finding something else to do. She learned early to be negative, and I don't think anyone ever tried to turn that around for her until she met Bill. She moved out of her family's house at 16, only to realize she was still miserable even without her mother around. She and Bill met while working seasonal jobs in Yellowstone, thus beginning the family's long relationship with the national parks and nature. Bill ended up teaching school, and selling real estate during the summer. Pat stayed home when the kids were small, and worked for awhile for the IRS. After they retired, they moved to the Yosemite cabin full time.

Now that Bill is gone, Pat can't stay by herself at the cabin year-round. The winters are hard, and their little town inside the park mostly vacates when the snow comes. She's 79 now, but even if she were younger it probably wouldn't be a good idea. Last winter, we were in the middle of moving, and she split her time between her two other kids. Katy lives in Sacramento, and both her and her husband have high stress, high power, full time jobs. They also have 3 daughters. Two teens and one preteen. The oldest and the youngest both struggle with pretty serious ADHD, among other things, which can be challenging for anyone, and especially so for an aging grandmother. Bernie lives with his sweet wife Heather in Houston. Bernie and Heather got married 2 weeks exactly before Clark and I did, and don't have any kids. I think Pat liked it there, but her timing was bad last year. Pat also has a harder time in a city that size, particularly when she's on her own a lot. She doesn't like to drive, and I think she ended up feeling a little isolated.

I get the feeling that she wants to be around her grandkids, and that puts her here. She wants to be around my kids, but doesn't seem to be interested in any babysitting, or caretaking of them. Which is fine. She is 79 after all, and I don't expect her to do anything more than what she wants to do. That's been the biggest stress for her kids in trying to help her figure out her living situation, she doesn't seem to know what she wants. I can't blame her, she hasn't had to be totally in charge of herself in over 60 years, it must be difficult. She wants to be independent, but then gets stressed out by it. For example, when she came to visit, she insisted on renting a car and driving herself from the airport to her hotel. Then, she got lost, but wouldn't call me. She ended up being lost for a couple hours, driving around the city, and then didn't want to get back in her car the whole time she was here.

She's gone back and forth tons of times on what her plan is for this winter. I think she procrastinated her way out of the housing situation Clark had found for her, since we don't have a guest room, and I don't think she'd want to live with us anyways. Right now, she's going to stay at the cabin for as long as she can, then go to Sacramento for a couple weeks, then go to Houston. It's a challenge for me to have her here, as I've talked about in previous posts, but of course I will do what I can for her. She is my husband's mother after all. I could have it a lot worse, as far as inlaws go. She doesn't try to meddle or tell me what to do. And the negativity has improved since the last time we saw her last spring. I think Bill was her balance. He was able to diffuse her negativity in a very subtle way. Now that she doesn't have that, she's not as able to reign it in. I mostly try to ignore it, with varying degrees of success. I did lose it once, and had to tell her to stop when she was criticizing something Madeline had really wanted to watch on tv (some disney made for tv type thing). She just wouldn't let it go, and it truly just wasn't that bad. I guess that's what you get when you marry an older man. Especially an older man who's the youngest child of parents who had their kids a little later. You get to deal with caring for his aging parent.

Clark is on the road AGAIN tonight. The shit has hit the fan at his work, and he's had to pick up another trip next week to Washington DC. He'll be back a day before I leave for Seattle. I know I'm being cryptic about the work thing, but I'm trying to follow the commandment of Dooce, and not go into the details in a public forum. If you're interested (and haven't heard about it already), I'm more than willing to fill you in via email, I could use the vent, and the support.

I'm still here

2005-10-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

I know I've been blogslacking again. I've been reading a lot, but can't seem to get inspired to write anything.

My parents were here from Thursday afternoon until Sunday morning. It was a good visit, and they both seemed happier than I've seen them in awhile, which was very nice. We went to the zoo, and the new balloon museum, and waited much longer than I'd planned for a fancy dinner out at El Pinto.

Sunday I was depressed. Really depressed. Much more depressed than I've been in quite awhile. After my parents hit the road, I went upstairs, sat down on the couch, turned on the Sunday afternoon movies, and didn't do a damn thing the rest of the day. And not in a good, I'm relaxing after a long couple weeks way. In a, I didn't even feed the kids lunch, and then they had cold pizza for dinner, and I didn't eat all day, way. I wish I could pinpoint exactly what was going on with me, but as usual, it was a combination of a lot of things, exhaustion being only one of them. I'm feeling a little better today, but I kindof scared myself yesterday. Especially the not being able to care for my children part. They don't deserve that, and it cannot be allowed to continue. I feel better today, but if I start having more days like that I will definitely need to get on some meds.

Clark left yesterday for Vegas for a couple days. He's been on the road so much lately, but assures me that they have decided to lay off for the holidays. I hope he's right about that. There have been some other issues with his job that I won't go into here, because I wouldn't want to get him in trouble (not that I think anyone from his work would ever read this, but you never know). It's making me really miss the simplicity of our life in Cedar. I know this is an opportunity for both of us, but it's FUCKING HARD. A lot of the issues we've faced since moving here have been things that I totally anticipated, and that he didn't. Now we're getting into the stuff that neither of us anticipated. It is bringing us closer, since we are communicating about it, which if you know us at all, you know is HUGE, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Enough with the downer. I've been trying to turn this day around, and will not be sucked back into the abyss by dwelling on it.

We haven't officially started on the halloween costumes yet, but they have decided on what they want to be, and I have some ideas about how to put them together. Madeline is going to be a garden fairy with a yellow outfit. I don't know where she came up with the yellow, and am hoping I don't have to search too much for a yellow sweatsuit or dress or something. She already has fairy wings. They're getting a little old and worn out, but they'll work if I can't find anything else. The rest should be pretty easy to throw together from the flower department at the craft store. Zach is going to be a pirate. He has dark pants and Madeline has an old red and white striped turtleneck we'll use. We need to find a sword and a hat, maybe a vest, or a parrot or something, then we'll draw a patch on with black eyeliner. He's working on his "aarrgh!" and it's coming along pretty well. I'm slacking on halloween compared to years past, but they don't seem stressed, so I won't stress either.

The weekend after halloween I'm off to Seattle. I'm going to see Stine's show and hang out for a couple days. I had been planning to see another friend of mine while I was there, which I was really excited about, but his plans have changed, which is a major bummer. However, I can't be too sad, because Ly and Stine are more than enough friend quota for me. I wish I had a little more time to spend, but oh well. She's in tech week this week and opens Friday? Thursday? I know she's more stressed than she'd anticipated, and I wish I could be there for her more.

Tomorrow I'll try to get a post up about the Krauses, since I said I would. Right now though, the kids want dinner.

Boo to you too

2005-10-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

One of my all time favorite halloween pictures. I call her sadbunny.

OK, my turn

2005-10-19T10:52:00.000-07:00

I was trying to decide if I should write a brief history of the Krause family and my role in it, or bitch and moan about how I never see my husband any more, but instead, I think I'll do this. Much easier. I do intend to fill in some of the Krause fam blanks, but I'm still a little raw from the recent visit of the Krause matriarch, so it'll have to wait. Fair warning, I may plagarize a bunch of this from missuzj, cause apparently we're a lot alike in some of these areas.

10 years ago: Clark and I had just got engaged. We were engaged before Becca and Eric, but they beat us to the altar by several months. Clark and I had been living together for a few months, with the agreement that we were headed towards marriage, because I didn't want to end up cohabitating with someone who then might not want that kind of commitment. My cousin got married in early fall, with all the mormon rigamarole attached, and we were summoned to northern utah for the event. I told Clark I wasn't going without at least a ring on my finger, so I got one.

5 years ago: We were getting ready for halloween with our beautiful 1 year old. She was so fun at that age. All big blue eyes, long curly eyelashes, and giggles. She dressed up like a bunny, and was about the cutest thing EVER.

1 year ago: Clark had just got done with his first round of interviews at Albuquerque Economic Development. He was getting more excited about moving, and I was getting more terrified. We were getting ready to head into one of the toughest times in our marriage, the big move.

5 snacks: Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream (it's a real good thing it's hard to find around here, or I'd be in trouble), caramel Hershey's kisses, cheese puffs from Whole Foods, ginger thins, and I know it's not really a snack, but I'm totally into Vitamin Water lately, Power-C flavor.

5 songs I know all the words to: Becca just should have put 'all songs' on hers, cause she's totally a song lyrics rain man. Dusty Springfield, Son of a Preacher Man; Prince, Darling Niki; Marianne Faithful, Sex with Strangers; Ani DiFranco, Evolve; Nina Simone, Put a little sugar in my bowl

5 things I could do with $100 million: college for the kids, get my girls (and myself) out of debt, big vacation with all the peeps I love, get a PhD and not have to worry about what job I'd get with it after, serious shoe shopping with Katester

5 things I would never wear: why is this one so hard? I'm totally going to steal from Becca on this. garments, stirrup pants, shiny nylon track suit, belly baring shirts (farewell days of the flat stomach), the hideous green lame dress I wore to some school dance in high school, seriously, it was hideous.

5 favorite tv shows: Good Eats, NYPD Blue (even if it is no more, sad), Property Ladder, Moving Up, Divine Design, Days of our Lives (what can I say, my mom got me started early on that one)

5 biggest joys: little boy smooches from Zach, big squeezes from Madeline, time to read in a clean and quiet house, chilling and listening to new music with Ly and Stine, any time I get to spend with Sophie and her mommy.

5 favorite toys: this one is hard too. lets just call it 5 favorite ways to waste time: blogging, bejeweled 2 (thanks stine), reading Tamora Pierce (over and over), talking on the phone, watching tv. Geez, I sound like I'm about 15, yikes.

That was fun, thanks Lonna. Stine? Ly? wanna do it?

Good one, Stine

2005-10-14T15:04:00.000-07:00

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher.
You'd make a talented professor or writer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Hanging In

2005-10-14T00:10:00.000-07:00

Just had a minute, but thought I'd report that we're hanging in there with the MIL. I'm feeling a little more tired than usual, and craving my own space, since even though she's sleeping at the hotel, her waking hours are spent with me. I realized that with family, just because you didn't ask for it, doesn't mean you don't have to do it, and she IS family. I just wish we had a little more in common, or were a little more relaxed with each other. But, who knows, that may yet happen. If I'm this mentally and emotionally wiped out after 3 days though, it may be a serious challenge to look at this as a seasonal situation for her. There is much discussion to be had on that subject with the honey. Just when I thought I'd be getting my life back, it looks like there's going to be another person to take care of, and even if it is marginal care, it is falling to me. Maybe I should feel flattered. I'll try that.

Not Good

2005-10-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

So, I'm starting the day in a crappy mood. Not Good. I need a serious attitude adjustment. I don't know exactly why I'm in a crappy mood, but it certainly isn't going to be helpful in dealing with my MIL all day. Just to clarify, in case I wasn't clear, as some of the comments indicated, she's not staying in my house (thank god), and this time around she's only here for a week, so I guess I can't complain too much. Her attitude actually seems much improved from last time she came to visit, so that's good. We went to the grocery store yesterday morning with Zach in tow, and then sat around the kitchen and talked. All. Day. Long. I'm not used to quite THAT much grown up interaction. I'm used to being able to do what I want with my days, aside from caring for little Z. Today, I think we'll need to get out of the house. I don't want to impose my schedule on her, and I feel like I need to take care of her to a certain degree, in terms of preparing meals and such. I don't know, it just seems like I'm ending up taking much more responsibility for her and her needs than I signed up for. Maybe that's what happens when you marry an older man, whose parents had their kids later in life, you end up taking care of your aging mother in law at 31.

I did get out to my meditation class last night, which was awesome, yet again. I want to do this every day. I was so in the zone. (Sorry, Ly, for being so spacey on the phone, I would have liked to chat, but I was sleepy, and a little too relaxed for intelligent conversation, if you catch my drift.) I am giving up my usual yoga class tonight, for no good reason than I feel bad being gone 2 nights in a row while Pat is here.

I also noticed yesterday that I missed a pill. Yeah, those pills. I started my new pack Sunday, then forgot Monday and took 2 last night, Tuesday. I think I should still be covered, but I gotta say, I am SOOO paranoid about accidental pregnancy at this stage in the game, I feel like putting things on hold for a month (or, I guess, obtaining a backup method). What do you think, girls, still covered? or freak out for a month?

OK, I better go feed the kid, and try to grab a shower before Pat gets here.

2005-10-10T11:08:00.000-07:00

This is the dawn patrol glow. The pic is from the balloon fiesta site. Wish we could have been there for this one, but we did see it from a distance

2005-10-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

In case anyone's curious, this is what we ended up with for the desk downstairs. Clark picked it, and I like it lots.

Loong Weekend

2005-10-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

This weekend felt like it was never going to end. Which is kindof a good thing, I guess. Madeline didn't have school on Friday, but it was a crazy busy day anyways. She had her first dentist appointment at 9am. I got totally lost trying to find the place and didn't end up getting there until 9:30, which of course meant we didn't see the doc until 10. I was worried about Madeline's gums where she had lost her tooth, they looked like they were receding and really red. Apparently, that's totally normal, and they're looking better every day. She also had a look at Zach, which I thought was really nice, since he didn't have an appointment, and told me to go home and throw away his binkie immediately. I know he's a little old for the binkie, but just never had the heart to throw it away. I guess it's messing with the alignment of his teeth, creating a little hole in the front when he closes his jaw. Why don't pediatricians tell us these things? Our regular doc has seen him tons of times with "the B" (as he calls it) and never said anything.

My plan had been to go out for some late breakfast after the dentist. By the time we got done there we were all starving. We headed over to Perennials, cause I was craving their Santa Monica Waffle (yum). When we pulled in, both the kids started whining that they didn't want to eat there. I'm ashamed to admit, I threw a little kid fit right back at them. Told them I was tired of the constant whining, and nothing I plan for them ever being good enough, and that they could just forget going out to breakfast, that we'd go home and have cereal. Then I got half way home, and decided that I didn't want to punish myself for them being whiny. So, I pulled the car over and we had a serious chat. I don't know if any of it actually sunk in, but they promised not to whine and complain, and I promised to stop being mad, and we all decided to give the restaurant a shot. Unfortunately, they were out of waffles :(. Then, they lost our order. So, it ended up taking them almost 40 minutes to bring us our food. The kids were really good about it, bless their hearts, and didn't whine much at all.

After breakfast/lunch (since it was 11:30 by the time we got our food), we had only a few minutes to cruise back to the house so I could gather up my home decorating file and head over to the cabinet place to firm up plans for the downstairs office. Let me tell ya, taking a meeting with the cabinet designer with 2 crazy kids in tow is not my favorite activity ever. It was hard to concentrate, and I was definitely getting irritated with the chasing and screaming. The guy was totally cool, since he has a couple kids of his own the same age as ours, but it was still a pain.

That night we tried to get over to the Balloon Fiesta Park for the "Glowdeo", but we got a late start and the traffic was insane, so we turned around and decided to get ice cream and watch the fireworks from afar instead. It was fun.

Saturday morning we decided to drag ourselves out of bed and go witness the mass ascension close up. I thought we had got an early enough start, but we ended up seeing about half of it from the car on our way into the parking lot. It was still cool to see it from even that distance. We got down to the field for the last wave. It was SO COOL. You actually get to go down on the field right next to the balloons and watch them inflate and take off. They were everywhere. We also got to see a bit of the dawn patrol show while we were driving, before the sun came up. That was spectacular. The glimpse I caught last week was nothing compared to seeing them up in the sky, glowing in the darkness. I think I got some good pics, we'll have to see.

After we got home, Clark took a nap while I wrangled the kids upstairs, then he went to the gym. When he got home it was time to clean house for a few hours (my mother inlaw is coming today), then we headed back over to the balloon park for the final glow of the fiesta. We got there early this time, so we got good parking, and had some time to cruise the booths and buy some hotdogs before the show began. We were lucky to get a good seat on the field, right next to a very pretty green and orange and yellow smaller-sized balloon that was just going up. For the glow, they don't launch, they just stay on the ground, but unfortunately it was a tad windy for the big balloons. They did one 'all glow', where the audience counts down and then all the balloons fire at once, before about half of them went down in a gust of wind. The ones that stayed up did some twinkle glows, where they all fire on and off to create a twinkling effect, and a few more all glows, it was beautiful. The guy we were sitting by stayed up the longest, and really put on quite a show. The fireworks were amazing, much more impressive from close range, and we all had a great time.

Yesterday was cold and rainy, and we pretty much lazed around the house. Clark took the kids out to McDonalds to play in the playland for awhile since they were getting a little stir-crazy, so I got a couple hours home by myself. Aah, silence. You forget, when there are kids in the house all the time, how nice it is to just be able to be home in the quiet. I got some presents wrapped for Soph (I know, officially the latest birthday presents ever, but I will get them sent this week I promise!!), and got to eat lunch and read my book in blessed quiet.

My mother in law flies in at 2pm today. The house still isn't as clean as I'd like it to be, and the laundry still needs folded. I need to shower, fold laundry, and do some last minute straightening before she gets here, but I did schedule a lunch date with my honey. The next few weeks are going to be pretty insane, and I wanted to have some time with him before the insanity begins. I'm nervous about spending this much time with his mother. I'm also nervous about how he reacts to her being around. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open, since we both tend to shut down under stress, so hopefully that will help. After Pat leaves, my parents will be here the next weekend, and the weekend after that one of Clark's oldest friends may be visiting. The weekend after THAT, is my trip to Seattle. Whew.

I probably won't be blogging much while Pat is here, but I may surprise myself, who knows. I just have no idea what I'm going to do with her during the day while Clark is at work. Not to mention I have no idea what to cook for her. She doesn't have many dietary issues, but she does tend to have a very sensitive stomach when she travels, so I'm trying to think of quick and easy meal ideas that won't challenge her digestive system too much. Any ideas?

2005-10-10T10:55:00.000-07:00

Girl Power! Aren't they sweet?

Later Tater

2005-10-06T10:45:00.000-07:00

Madeline was late to school today. We overslept. I peeled my eyes open after sleeping like a log and it was 9:00am. School starts at 9:00am. Madeline woke up right after I did, and immediately started panicking and trying to tell me what to do. She wanted to put on shorts, when it was obviously dark and cloudy outside, wanted to leave in the little pigtails she'd been sporting from yesterday, and wanted to wear sandals on a PE day, all in the hopes of saving time. Then she was pissed at me when I made her put on pants, and socks, and wanted to redo the tired hairdo. Her teacher must think I'm some kind of loser. I had to take her her lunch yesterday after forgetting to put it in her backpack, and we forgot to return her 'spelling contract' homework today. I have a little bit of an excuse on the homework thing, since it usually isn't due until Friday, but they're off tomorrow for 'Fall Recess' (?), so it was due a day early. I'm trying to decide whether I should take the homework over and turn it in today, or just pretend it doesn't exist.

Zach was up FIVE times between 3 am and 5 am last night. He kept saying he needed to poop, and then didn't poop when we took him to the toilet. I finally said, you can poop in the morning, you're not getting out of your bed any more. This was the second night in a row he's been getting up saying he needs to poop, and I don't really get it. Hopefully it doesn't become a habit. We've been used to sleeping all night, and don't enjoy the every half hour wakeup call he's been giving us. Other than that, he's been a real champ lately. No accidents in over 2 weeks I think. Knock on wood. It must be time to find a preschool. From what I've been able to see, it looks like our options are daycare/preschool facilities, and private christian preschool. Obviously, we won't be going for the christian option, although from what I hear, they are good programs, and I'm not really thrilled with the daycare/preschool thing. Madeline went to a really small preschool ran by a mom with preschool age kids when we were in Utah, and I'd prefer something like that for Zach. It was casual, and the kids seemed to have a lot of fun together. So, we'll see.

Even though we did oversleep, I was glad for the sleep last night. The two nights previous I had been having bad nightmares and sleeplessness. Not too sure what triggered that, and I was dreading a repeat last night, but luckily, I slept well. I'm one of those people who REALLY needs her sleep. Especially as I get older, I just can't handle sleepless nights. I get depressed and over-emotional when I don't get enough sleep. Speaking of depression though, I think I'm ready to say that the St. John's Wort is officially working. I was a tad pms-y this time around, but nothing like the debilitating depression I'd been dealing with the last few months. YAY!

We've decided to go with a local cabinet company for the remodel downstairs. My buddy Vic is just too busy, and won't have the time to do the project. I'm kindof bummed about that, but I think we are getting a good price (even though it's about 2 times what Vic was going to charge), and I'm confident that the work will be high quality. I need to finalize the design today and make some decisions on materials. Stress. The shelving and drawers will be off-white, and I need to decide what kind of countertop to put on the desktop and possibly the shelves above the desk. I'd been looking at a slate-type finish, similar to the one we had in our kitchen in Utah, which I loved, but I'm not sure how it will work as a desktop. I guess I could play it safe and go for an all-neutral color scheme, but I've been trying to take more chances in decorating this house. I wish there was someone here to hold my hand and give me their opinion. My mom and sisters were always the bomb at that kind of stuff. Maybe I can get clever and post some samples so that you guys can give me some opinions. Not terribly likely, but I can try.

I did have a nice visit with Vic after my meditation class Tuesday. He was telling me that he just got an email from Rebecca Soon (sp?) who was looking for Russ Benton, who apparently is working in Las Vegas at the Excalibur (I think he's Merlin?). I know that has absolutely no meaning for anyone who wasn't in the theater dept. at SUU in the early 90's, but for those of you who were (Ly and Stine), I thought it was funny.

Meditation class Tuesday night was AWESOME. I was a little worried that the 'monkey mind' would be insurmountable and that I'd spend the whole hour laying around thinking about all the crap that we think about when our bodies hold still for a minute, but I was pleasantly surprised to find myself completely in the zone by about 20 minutes in. My teacher Kim kicks ass. There was a thunder storm rolling through the area during class, which you might think would disrupt the meditative state, but I found it heightened the energy, and the sense of suspended reality quite nicely. The scheduling thing is a little difficult, because my usual yoga classes are Monday and Wednesday, and me going to class two days in a row totally throws off Clark's workout schedule, but you know what? He can deal. It's only for another 4 weeks anyways. It's not like I haven't put up with his insane schedule for the last 10 years. I love him, but he sure has the tendency to put his needs first. Now, it's my turn. :)

2005-10-03T09:43:00.000-07:00

Big Girl Smile

2005-10-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

Balloon Fiesta from my bedroom window

Balloons and Big Girls

2005-10-03T09:40:00.000-07:00

OK, about the pictures, hey, I tried. I used the quick capture on my webcam, so the resolution is not so great, and the picture of the balloon festival does it absolutely no justice, but I had to give it a shot. Must. Get. Digital. Camera. SOON. I have some other shots from the balloon fiesta on my regular camera, so we'll have to see if those come out better. But, of course, that will require getting them developed, and in some form of digital media, so don't hold your breath.

Madeline lost her first tooth during the first mass ascension of our first balloon fiesta on the first of October. She thought that was VERY cool, even going so far as to say it was the best day of her life. The tooth fairy made a late night run to the grocery store to get $5, because apparently, a quarter just doesn't cut it for these modern kids. Doesn't she look cute with her one-tooth-less smile? She's growing up so fast, I can hardly keep up these days.

So far, the Balloon Fiesta has been breathtaking, and we haven't even made our way over to the Fiesta Park yet. I got up pretty early (for a minute) on Saturday and caught a look at the dawn patrol. They send up a few balloons at dawn to check conditions and it was so stunning to see the morning glow on the west horizon in the background, and the sun just barely hitting the tops of the balloons. Then, there's the mass ascension. Wow. That's all I can say is Wow. We got really lucky Saturday, as the wind was headed in our direction and they literally were floating over the house, and landing in the fields around our neighborhood. We've decided to go see it all up close and personal next weekend, which will involve dragging our asses out of bed at an ungodly hour, but I think it will be really worth it. If it was this great from the house, I can't even imagine how beautiful it will be at ground zero. We also really need to find a day to go see the glow in the evening. They don't take off, but they fire them up so they glow in the dark. We saw those few at Madeline's school last week, but I want to see the big show.

OK, I've decided, I need to figure out how to post some of the pics on the official fiesta site. They are stunning. Especially since it looks like some of them were taken from the air. Lucky ducks. I want to go up, up and away BAD. So does Zach, which I find kindof funny. Every time I open up the windows here in the bedroom, he's digging out the binoculars and picking out his favorites. Pretty impressive for a 3 year old.

2005-10-03T09:28:00.000-07:00

Ah HA, now that's more like it.

2005-10-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

pretty pretty pretty

are you sick of me yet?

2005-09-29T13:19:00.000-07:00

Woo Hoo! Three posts in three days. That must be some kind of record for me. I know it doesn't hold a candle to Stine's 3 posts in one day today, but, hey, I'm trying. (love you stine!!)

So, I totally busted ass and finished painting the downstairs front room yesterday. It looks SO good. I'm really proud of it. I freehanded all the cutting in (no tape), except the floorboards, cause those are hard, and I must say, my technique has improved fantastically since my first painting project. I even like the green in the bedroom better now that there's blue downstairs. No idea why that would be, but for some reason it really does look better. I'm only a little sore today too. Nothing that a little time on the yoga mat won't fix up.

It rained all night last night, and we woke up to a very dark morning. The kids could hardly believe that it was really morning, Zach actually insisted on going back to bed after getting up to go pee pee. I love the rain. I've lived in mostly desert areas for the past 15 years or so, so a good downpour just makes me happy. The sound, the smell, the dimness of the light, I love it all. I did feel a little bad for all the poor desert plants around here that looked awfully drenched this morning, but damnit, it was time for the heat to relent!

The Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta is supposed to start at o'dark thirty in the morning tomorrow, and the balloon people are freaking out. Apparently, October is typically clear and dry here, and the weather is thwarting all the balloon fiesta-ing plans. The first event is called Albuquerque Aloft, they send up balloons from all over the city. Three are going up from Madeline's school. At 6:45 AM. She wants to go really bad, but that is SO early. The event goes from 6:45 to 8:00, so what the heck am I supposed to do with her for the hour until school starts, if I get her up at 6 to get ready and get over there. Not to mention, I'd also have to get Zach up at that seriously early hour. We'll see, maybe the weather will make the decision for me.

Speaking of, it just started thundering again, so I better turn the computer off, I'd hate to fry it with a power surge or something.

Winds of Change

2005-09-28T10:04:00.000-07:00

I feel things are turning a corner here in Albuquerque, as far as being more personally connected to this place. Since we moved here, we've had several offers from the nice gals Clark works with, and the couple people we know here to come to various birthday parties and such. I'm terrible, but I always managed to find something else we needed to be doing, and hadn't taken anyone up on their offers. I wasn't ready to meet people, I guess. Well, this weekend, all that changed. I went out Saturday for a girl's night that sweet Julia invited me to, and spent the morning Sunday at the Corrales Harvest Festival with Lea and her 2 boys.

Julia is Victor's girlfriend, and Victor is an old friend of mine from college who I was thrilled to find out lives here. She had offered to introduce me to her friend Elena who's been working in the psych department at UNM for many years, and our schedules finally lined up. Elena is a very cool chick, and gave me tons of good advice about my future scholastic and career goals. I very much needed the opinion of someone with experience in the field, and am so grateful to Julia for being persistent in setting up a meeting. We had a lovely meal, and some laughs, and I wasn't a complete dork, I hope.

Lea works with Clark. She is the sweetie who ended up watching our kids for the Dave Matthews concert last month. She's been inviting us over almost every weekend since then, so it was about damn time I stopped being a jerk and showed up for something. Clark was on his way to Chicago Sunday, so it was just her and I and the kids. I get really good vibes from Lea. She's divorced, and doing the working single mom thing, which I can't even imagine, and she's funny and fun, and hasn't lived here all that long. For someone who hasn't lived here that long she sure seems to know a lot of people, though. Every time we turned around she was introducing me to another mom with little ones in tow. Her boys go to a Montessori school in Corrales, so I think most of them were friends from school. They all seemed like my kind of peeps, here in Albuquerque, will wonders never cease.

We also found TWO (count em, TWO) new babysitters. Marissa watched the kids for us Friday night, so Clark and I could go on a real date. She's college-aged, very sweet, and came highly recommended. Kelly (who is the nice lady I cancelled on a couple weeks back) actually called me on Sunday and asked if I needed her Monday night. That's right, a babysitter CALLED ME. I had been intending to call her, but had got caught up in the painting and forgot. She came over so I could go to yoga Monday night. She's a little older, and is a childcare professional, and the kids LOVED her. She even offered, before I could ask, to come over again next time I needed her.

So, the winds of change are blowing through our little household, and it is a very good thing. I'm so relieved to have at least a couple people I can turn to for help with the kids. And, while I'm still terrified of the making new friends thing, it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. Now, I must get back to the painting, I've been avoiding it since my painting marathon on Sunday, but I think my body has recovered enough to get back to it.

I also downloaded that 'hello' program last night and sent a bunch of pics to Boobecca. So, now I need to figure out how to send them to my blog. One thing at a time. It does seem much easier though, so hopefully I can figure it out.

Pictures!!

2005-09-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

I've finally got off my lazy ass and figured out how to get pictures posted. Kinda. And thanks for holding my hand while I figured it out, Beck. Sooo, I decided to post a few pictures from our trip to Cedar City last June. These are from a trip to the Discovery Park with the kidlets. Enjoy.

"Will you take woodchips for that crabby patty ma'am?"
Sophie and Zach playing Sponge Bob.

"Aw, come on mom, it's way too bright out here to smile."
Madeline playing in the dino dig sandbox.

Beautiful Boo

This is turning out to be more difficult than I anticipated, and I'm sure it's operator error. Grrr. My shoulder is being a total bitch from too much painting, and overdoing it at yoga last night. I was intending to get some pics up from a party at Boo's last June too, but they'll have to wait until I can do this without giving myself a headache.

Update

2005-09-22T17:04:00.000-07:00

I guess it's time for another update from the Krause House. We've been doing pretty good around here the last week or so. The highlight of the weekend was the New Mexico State Fair on Saturday. We had promised Madeline we'd go, even though I am not a huge fan of wading through crowds in the heat. We got off to an early start though, thank goodness, and got there at least an hour or two before the truly heinous crowds arrived. Zach and I rode the merry-go-round together, which was fun, even though he's still not willing to actually sit on a horse, but, hey, the cute little swan benches are cool with me. We ate corndogs and Kettle Korn. We watched Madeline win her first trophy ever at the Pee Wee Stampede, which was a super cute mini rodeo for little kids where they kids got to wear cowboy hats and ride rodeo events on their stick horses. She kicked butt in the barrel race, and carried her golden cowgirl trophy around for the rest of the day, telling anyone who would stand still that SHE won. It was a pretty big deal for her because, in her own words, at school the other kids sometimes leave her in the dust.

Sunday marked the beginning of my most current and biggest yet house project. I did some painting, and cleared out the room in preparation for the floor guys to come Monday. Two days later of noise and sawdust, and the new wood floor was in! I think it looks pretty good. I'm making progress on the painting, but need a much bigger ladder to deal with that particular room. I'm getting nervous about my friend who's going to be building in the desk for us. We're ending up investing a pretty good amount (for us) into this room, and I'm concerned that I might be asking a bit much of him. I've been needing to call him and ask him this very question, but I'm putting it off, because I don't want to offend. I might be seeing his girlfriend on Saturday for a ladies night kind of thing that she was sweet enough to invite me to, so I may have to ask her advice first. I'm excited about hanging out with her, but if I think about it too much, I get serious anxiety.

Good news on the potty training front! Finally! I've been avoiding making any official statements about it, because I don't want to jinx anything, but I think Zach is finally officially potty trained. Meaning, we haven't had any accidents in something like 5 days. I don't know what finally clicked with him, but apparently he just needed to decide it was time. I'm SO HAPPY. I was starting to get worried that this was taking a lot longer than it should, and that I was going to be cleaning up stinky messes for the rest of my life. But, no, my brilliant boy has figured out how to poop in the toilet. Praise the potty gods!

Last night was the elementary school balloominaria fund raising thingy. It was pretty fun. We got there right as they were inflating the first of the three big balloons. It was as impressive up close as I thought it would be. The kids had also made really cute luminarias with white paper bags decorated with pictures of hot air balloons. They had them out all around the playground next to the P.E. field where the big balloons were. Madeline's was really cute, and she was very proud of it. We bought her the school t-shirt she'd been wanting (for only $5, which I thought was very reasonable), and a couple bendy glow sticks. It was quite a sight as the sun went down, the luminarias were glowing, and the hot air balloons were glowing, and all the kids were running around with their glow sticks. Good Times. Afterwards, we stopped by Cold Stone for ice cream. They were donating half their profits to the school for the evening, and it was a cool way to wrap up the evening.

Today, I went over to Clark's newest office for the first time. His boss was out of town, but it was nice to meet the other people he works with. I tend to get intimidated around professional people, since I'm "just" a stay at home mom, who's never had a "real" career or anything. I know it's silly, but I can't help it. I think mine and Clark's age difference probably affects that quite a bit too, since I tend to be quite a bit younger than most the people he works with. Both of the women I met have kids and have invited us over for social type things in the past, which we haven't gone to. However, I'm realizing that if I really do want to meet new people here, I have to start showing up to some of these things. Even if it is scary as hell.

Madeline doesn't have school tomorrow, so it'll be a long weekend for her. Unfortunately, it'll be a short weekend for Clark, as he's leaving Sunday morning for Chicago for 4 days. I'm really going to try to not take the downward spiral this time he's out of town. I'm going to call back that sitter I cancelled with last week, and set something up for a yoga class at least. I'm trying to decide whether to try and start a 6 week pranayama course that my fav teacher is teaching Tuesdays. I'd hate to pay for the whole thing and then end up missing a bunch of it, but I'm sure it would be interesting. Pranayama is an aspect of yoga that is much more meditative, and focuses on breathing to encourage the meditative state. I'm not too sure I'm ready for it, physically or emotionally, but it might be time to stretch myself a little.

OK, I hear the kids descending, must be time to wrap it up. I'll try to get some pics up tomorrow.

Tarot Fun

2005-09-16T15:58:00.000-07:00

You are the Hermit card. The Hermit has chosen a
solitary spiritual path. He shines light on his
inner self and, by this means, gains wisdom.
The Hermit's home is the natural world and it
is by being in tune with that world that he
learns the laws of nature and learn how they
operate within himself. His path is a lonely
one as he lives in silence and has for
companionship only his own internal rhythms.
But those crossing his path are touched by his
light and wisdom. Though often alone, he
manages nevertheless to instruct those who meet
him and guides those who chose to follow him on
a path towards enlightenment. Image from The
Aleister Crowley Tarot deck.
http://www.aeclectic.net/tarot/thoth/

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Stine introduced me to tarot, oh these many years ago. She always gives me awesome readings. I've had pretty great readings from people I don't know at all, too. I haven't had my cards out in awhile, but the imagery and ritual of it has always appealed to me. This quiz was fun, even if I was slightly suprised at the result.

Moving Forward

2005-09-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little better today. Thank God. (Told you I was swinging hard and fast.) I've been back on my multivitamin, taking my St. John's Wort, and cut out a lot of caffeine, for a couple weeks now, I think it may be kicking in a little. I'm trying to be optimistic. It's kindof scary to fall so far so fast. But I'll take the faster bouncing back. It that's what this is.

We're moving forward on our plans to remodel the downstairs former dining room/living room (which was really too small to be either one), into a home office/possible future guest room. We've found an installer for the new floor who's available right now, and I picked out the material, which isn't exactly what I might have picked if there were a lot of other options, but out of what I can get right now, it's the best. I'm developing a rather ambivalent attitude toward this house at the moment. I'm getting the feeling we won't be here more than probably 2-3 years, which makes me want to get it done faster so we can enjoy it for awhile, but also makes me much less interested in it being perfectly, exactly, precisely what I want. So, I went with the oak, when I really probably would have preferred the cherry. But oak is great, it'll be really nice. I'm trying to decide whether to jump into the painting right now, or wait until the floor is installed. I'm thinking it better be now.

I'm kindof looking forward to the fundraiser thingy at the school tonight. There are supposed to be 3 big balloons and lots of "balloominarias", whatever those are. I've seen lots of balloons since moving here, from a bit of a distance, and that one off the bedroom balcony that was pretty close, but I haven't managed to be very close to one on the ground. I wish I knew what time they were blowing them up, that would be fun to watch. I'm looking forward to the "Balloon Fiesta" in October. I was hoping my mom would be here for it, but it doesn't look like that's working out. Sooo, it'll just be the Krause House. That's cool.

Update: I wrote this post yesterday, and since then I have realized that the fundraising night is NEXT WEEK. Jee-sus, could I be any more of a flake? So, all that drama, and canceling the sitter, and feeling like shit, all for no good reason at all. I think I'm going to buy one of those huge whiteboard calendars and put it up in the middle of the family room, maybe then I'll be able to keep my poop in a group. Sigh.

Aarghhh! thwarted again

2005-09-13T07:13:00.000-07:00

So, my darling husband talked to coworkers, and called child care facilities yesterday to try to find someone who'd be willing to babysit for me for a yoga class this week while he's gone. I can't tell you how much it meant to me that he would do this. Yesterday afternoon I got a call from a really nice woman who is a certified child care provider who would be willing to come to my home and watch the kids. We got it all set up for Wednesday, since it was getting a little last minute for my Monday class by that time. I was feeling good about this, very good. Until, of course, Madeline reminds me of the family fund raising night at the school Wednesday night, complete with luminarias, hot air balloons, ice cream, and an opportunity to buy the cute school t-shirt she's been craving. Fuck. Now what? She's totally been looking forward to this, and I forgot. I just want to cry right now. I'm going to have to call this woman back, who went out of her way to be available to me, and cancel. Not to mention, no yoga this week. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

Weird Week

2005-09-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

Things have been weird around here lately. My moods and emotions have been swinging wide and fast. From depressed and totally ineffectual to angry and can't sit still. I need to get my shit together.

We had a decent Labor Day weekend, going back that far since I haven't posted since before then. Cleaned house, went out to breakfast twice (I love it when someone else makes me breakfast), took the kids to the zoo. It was really nice to just have Clark home for 3 days in a row. I got to have a little time to myself, which was much needed. I ended up taking a beautiful little drive completely on accident.

In Cedar, when I was feeling down, and needed a break from the kids, I used to drive out to "Three Peaks", a nice little open/recreation area west of town. There's lots of nature to go sit in if one feels the need around Cedar, and it was always good for me to get into it. I haven't found the spot like that here. However, I decided to get in the car and start driving as though I were headed out there and see where I ended up.

Cedar and Albuquerque have some interesting geographical similarities (mountain range to the east, interstate running north-south through the town, broad expanse to the west, we even live in the northeast heights here just like we did there, weird), so that's not really as difficult as it might sound. Anyhoo, I ended up on this little "scenic byway" that rolls slowly through a tiny old town called Corrales. OLD New Mexico. HUGE cottonwood trees everywhere. Cute little orchards and vineyards and adobes. I never really got the whole New Mexico architecture thing (otherwise known as squat square beige buildings), but down there I totally got it. I mean, there were of course the crazy old houses that a community that old will have, but there were also beautiful homes, tucked away in the trees, so pretty as to bring tears to your eyes. Or my eyes anyways. But, I'm weird like that.

The school/work week went by fast. Madeline is doing really great in school, as far as I can tell, and seems to be happier to have something to do. Zach and I are still battling with the potty training (will it EVER end??), but mostly he's a dear to be around, and is at that great stage where it's always entertaining to hear what he'll say next. Example: It started sprinkling when he and Clark were out getting the mail, Clark asked him what he thought about the rain, Zach looked up at the sky and contemplated for a moment before replying, "I think it's a very wet idea." Precious.

I managed to haul myself to yoga Wednesday. I hadn't been in over a week, what with the holiday and all, and especially when I haven't been in awhile and am feeling depressed, it can be difficult to get myself to class. Usually though, a good class will lift me right up out of a down day. I can't say I had a good class. It felt like my muscles weren't listening to me. I was collapsing in all my standing poses, and felt like I was pretty much a total yoga loser. Hate that.

I've really been battling with the depression thing lately. The depression part is nothing new really, although it's been a long time since I've felt it to this degree and for this kind of duration. The real difference is how much I've been fighting it this time around. I've at least been able to say, ok, this is depression I'm feeling, I need to do something about it, instead of just getting totally sucked in. I'm trying to remind myself that this is progress. Some days it's hard to convince myself that the anger and irritation is preferable to totally unplugging from the people around me,but I think it is, isn't it?

This weekend was WAY too short. I actually woke up today convinced that it was Sunday, how disappointing is that? Clark had to work Sunday, which REALLY SUCKS ASS. He had to go in at about 12:30pm, and didn't get home until after 10. AND, he has to work late again tonight, which means that he left here at like 5:30 am for the gym, and won't be home until most likely after 10 again. AND, he's going out of town tomorrow for 3 days. He'll be back for a week, THEN he has to go to Chicago for 4 days, leaving, again, Sunday. GRRRRR. Yeah, I'm angry about that. I'm not angry at him, at all, I know he would rather be home with us, but I gotta say, it's like a THOUSAND TIMES harder to be home alone with the kids while he's on the road here, than it was in Cedar. Have I said this before? Forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but this is one of the major frustrations in my life right now. I'm actively trying to find someone to help me with the kids while Clark is gone, at least to stay with them while I go to yoga so I don't lose my little mind. It's going to be spending money I'd rather not spend, but hey, sometimes you gotta.

On top of that, my mother in law has changed her plans to come to Albuquerque this winter, again. This is like the 4th or 5th time she's changed her mind. My husband thinks his mother is a saint, and for the most part I try not to dispel this notion because she really is a sweet and wonderful person for the most part, but I kinda lost it on this one. First it was going to be a couple months, January, Feb, March, somewhere around there. Then, a couple months, Nov/Dec. Then, only a month, but October this time. Now it's going to be a week in October or November, then possibly up to 3 months later in the winter. She won't be staying in our home at all, most likely, but she will possibly be dependent on us (me) for transportation. The first time I met my mil, I told Clark if we ever live in the same town with her, we are SO going into therapy. He can be a different person around her, one I don't know very well, so I just need to know when to schedule the shrink, is that so difficult?

OK, gotta stop bitching, it's giving me a headache.

To round out the weirdness of the week, we saw Neil Patrick Harris in a not even very great breakfast place Sunday morning. They had written on the 'specials' board, something about make sure to watch some blah blah show on some blah blah network with Neil Patrick Harris Sunday at blahbity blah time. I thought it was a little odd, and wondered if they might know him? or maybe they're just big fans? Then, just as I'm biting into my banana walnut waffle, he stands up and walks right across the room toward me and out the door. Neil Patrick Harris. Now if that's not weird, I don't know what is.

I need a distraction

2005-09-02T14:14:00.000-07:00

I can't keep watching the news. It's too surreal, and frightening, and sad. I need a distraction. The radio is helping. Blind Mellon, "It's not sane ... it's not sane..." encapsulates the moment very well. Which segues me perfectly into my music moments meme thing. (What does 'meme' mean? some clever abbreviation I'm just not getting?)

I'm going to take a lot of liberty with this one and just babble about music in general. My first music obsessions were Michael Jackson and Prince. We lived outside Minneapolis for a few years right when Purple Rain and Thriller were happening, I would have been 10ish, I guess. I found radio, and music videos at about the same time, and was pretty obsessed with both. My sister Becky and I danced with abandon in the basement to Irene Cara and Culture Club. Katy was a baby, but she made a good audience. That is, until she pulled all the tape out of my copy of Thriller, that was tragic.

I've always been an avid radio listener, and sometimes, but not too often, an album collector. I've always been a sucker for a hook, can't help it. I like music that makes me want to shake my ass. Hence, the Black Eyed Peas CD, currently taking up long term residence in my minivan CD player. (Sorry, Patrice, hope that doesn't mean we can't be friends!) I can't seem to get enough of it, at extremely loud volume. I like the funny looks I get for driving a minivan (complete with carseats) with a subwoofer. I don't subject my kids to the loud volume, don't worry, I want them to be able to hear. Other favs that fall into the loud music in the car category are Outkast and Beastie Boys.

I've probably done most of my hearing damage in my car, instead of at concerts, unfortunately. But, I've managed to catch a few good ones. Prince in Las Vegas being a highlight, for the pimp suits and people watching as much as anything. And Ani DiFranco at the Hard Rock, but I was pregnant at the time, so it wasn't as good a time as it might have been. Clark and I have also seen REM, U2, NIN w/ David Bowie (that was cool), and a few others along the way. I don't have nearly the catalog of crazy concert stories that, say, Mr. J has, but I'm hoping to make up for some of it still. Dave Matthews Band was fun the other night. It was more mellow, jammin, than I thought it would be. Don't know why I thought that, but it was a nice turn of events. We got to sit on the grass and cuddle, and still hear and see really well. It was pretty windy though, and I felt bad for the band, they were getting it right in the face.

My current radio fav is Radio Free Santa Fe. LOVE LOVE LOVE this station. I had to learn how to put in a weblink, so that there may be one here, in honor of Radio Free Santa Fe. I have a feeling that if I just started buying albums of artists I hear on this channel, I would end up with an amazing collection of talent, cause a lot of it is unfamiliar to me, but I LOVE everything. The DJ's are totally cool, and they have a great Friday Night Funk show that we listen to every Friday on our Krause House Friday Night Outing. (Thank God It's FRIDAY). Oh, and they play the original, old reggae version of Smoke 2 Joints at 4:20 on every Friday. How can you not love THAT?

I have to admit that I still do love me some MTV. I was STOKED when I found out that our dish network here in Albuquerque had MTV2. Rad. I also have to admit that I am becoming more and more NOT the demographic that MTV is shooting for. Things that I will stop when walking through the TV room to watch on MTV are; Golddigger by Kanye West, Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani (sorry again, Patrice, but I just can't resist gawking Gwen in that cheerleader outfit), and that new Beck song.

Any discussion of music in my life would be incomplete without paying homage to my sources of all cool music, Lyamhound and Stine. I met these 2 in college, and my musical horizons immediately widened exponentially. Some of my biggest favs introduced to me by this dynamic duo include Morphine, Sky Cries Mary, Indigo Girls, Peter Murphy, Elvis Costello, Nina Simone, the list goes on and on and on. I need to get to a music store with Lyam when I'm out there and pick up that Maktub album I should have snagged years ago. The other CD that gets to hang in the minivan when Black Eyed Peas is out is a mix Stine brought when she visited me in February. Supercool tracks on that one are Playmate by MC Solar, Let's Pretend We're Bunnyrabbits by Magnetic Fields, Sex with Strangers by Marianne Faithful, and Babe, You Turn Me On by Nick Cave. Thanks guys!!

OK, that was nicely distracting. I was tripping about telling people what kind of music I like, cause I'm always worried that I'm not cool enough, but I'm trying to be real on here, and anyways, those of you who actually know me know all this already. My sweet little music snobs out there (you know who you are), don't judge me too harshly, I am what I am.

p.s. I was very proud of myself for finding time Wednesday before the concert to repaint the toesies. The blue from June was just too raggedy for a date night. I think they came out supercute. I also managed to figure out how to make the webcam take pictures I can post here, so I'm trying to get up the nerve to show my face. Toes will have to do for today.

Here we come Dave!

2005-08-31T09:41:00.000-07:00

So, the Dave Matthews concert is tonight. As of yesterday, our sitter's son was running a fever, so we are on hold, fingers crossed. Clark tells me that if she falls through, he thinks his male, 23 year old assistant should be able to swing it. Sounds a little iffy, but at this point, beggars are not choosers. I was just cruising the Journal Pavilion site, and am excited to check out the venue. Having lived in a small town for 15 years with NO decent live music, it's really exciting to be able to just drive across town to see a concert. We were assured that the lawn seating was the way to go, so now I'm feeling like I should run out and buy a nice blanket (water proof, as we might be getting a little rain this afternoon), and some of those cool seats that you can sit on the ground and still have some back support. Madeline is on a short day today though, and if I am going to get serious about it, I'd have to go like right now. I'm excited. And a little stressed. Unfortunately, when you have kids, any venture like this comes with stress. It's also 'curriculum night' at Madeline's school. Kinda like back to school night I guess, but for parents only. Bring on the juggling act. I'd really like to check out the home of the person watching the kids (oh, yeah, and actually meet her, that might be nice too), but I think it would make more sense for Clark to haul the kids out there while I go to the school. We'll see. Hopefully there won't be too much trauma along the way. Wish me luck!

My turn!!

2005-08-29T08:43:00.000-07:00

Seven things I plan to do before I die
(sorry, I'm gonna share a couple with Missuz J)
sit on a rock in Point Lobos with Boobecca
travel to the land of my birth, Christchurch, New Zealand
go to Europe with my husband
go on a real vacation with my bestest bud Stine
get my yoga teaching certification
go back to school
learn to unconditionally accept my mother

Seven things I can do
ski (who'da thunk it?)
do a pretty killer triangle pose
love my children
fold clothes really well
keep in touch with Stine, even though we haven't lived in the same town in almost 10 years
teach a yoga class
judge myself more harshly than anyone else would

Seven things I cannot do
full lotus pose
handstand
ski moguls
stop missing Boobecca and Sophie like crazy every day
act, or perform at all really, without feeling uncomfortable
sing like Boo
get a regular yoga practice established at home (yet!)

Seven things I say most often
Jesus Christ (but always only in my head, weird)
oh, stink! (child-friendly version of oh, shit!)
Zachy, do you need to potty?
I love you so
you two play nice
three more bites (to my non-eater, Madeline)
actually

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex
ability to make me laugh
willingness to get real
tolerance of my eccentricities
nice upper body
strong arms
good daddy
good provider

Seven celebrity crushes
Viggo Mortensen (just finished watching Lord of the Rings trilogy extended version, yummy)
the guy who played Eomer, Karl something (can't get off that L ot R kick yet)
Keifer Sutherland
Leonardo Dicaprio
Prince
David Bowie
Johnny Depp

Seven people who I want to do this
(shoot! everyone's done it!)
my husband
my mother
my father
my brother
Matthew Bromund (do it do it)
tourjete (have you been tagged yet? I just want you to blog again)
my daughter's teacher, that'd be interesting

WOW, I actually got 7 of everything, reaching there on some of them, but I wasn't sure I'd actually be able to do it. That was fun. Usually I'm crap at doing these things. I'll try to gather up my 5 fav songs soon, that one sounds fun too.

Trying out this Picture thing

2005-08-26T10:54:00.000-07:00

OK, told myself I would figure this out by the end of the week, and lo, the end of the week is upon us. I'll start with a couple I have had on the computer for years, since I still can't figure out my stupid Kodak disc. Here goes...

This is an old one of Madeline, taken when she was about 2, I think.

Baby Zach. Aww, he was so little!

And, the dynamic duo in action. This was Zach's 1st birthday.

So, there they are, the Krause Kids. Hope you enjoy their sweet faces as much as I do!

I'll take 'better'

2005-08-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

It was a better day today. Not great, but better. Actually got to go to my midweek yoga class last night which has been unusually elusive the last few weeks. My new yoga teacher rocks my world. It was a really good class. For some reason, he tends to do more traditional poses on Wednesday, which makes me feel like I know what I'm doing for once. Madeline got up without me having to fight with her. We did forget her library book, but that ended up being ok, because when we went back to the school to drop it off, we noticed that they are looking for parent helpers in the 1st grade reading room, and I marched right in and volunteered. Big deal for me. I typically have a really hard time putting myself out there like that, but it's time. I need to start connecting with people outside these 4 walls again. So, Zach and I are stopping by tomorrow morning to help get books ready for little readers.

The afternoon wasn't so great, but it wasn't horrible either. We set up a lunch date with Clark, and were going to meet at Weck's a little after one. We managed to get out the door in good time, and I thought I'd try a shortcut to the restaurant. Traffic was backed up for blocks right in the middle of my shortcut. dang. So, we backtracked and decided to take the regular way. Blocked again. Called Clark, and apparently there was a huge funeral procession headed down the highway and the freeway was closed. Last week in Albuquerque, a crazy guy murdered 5 people in one day, 2 of which were police officers, and this was the last funeral, for one of the officers. So sad. It ended up taking us almost an hour to get to the restaurant. A drive that should have taken about 5 minutes. We missed lunch with Clark, which was a bummer, and by then it was getting close to school pickup time. I didn't want to go all the way home just to turn around an leave again, so we popped into Whole Foods to browse and grab some snacks before picking up the girl. Love that store. I still don't know what's for dinner though. I might just set out all the yummy fruits and veggies and snackies that we got, and call it good. Lazy mommy.

Thanks so much for all your kind comments yesterday. It really made me feel like I'm not in this all alone, even if I can't drop my kids at any of your houses for a couple hours. Hey, I'll take what I can get.

Bleh

2005-08-24T16:08:00.000-07:00

I feel like I should somehow explain my current absence from this blog. But I don't have any good excuses. Last week I was painting, which is a semi-excuse, as things were a little torn apart here in the bedroom, but mostly I've just been feeling uninspired. I've been having more mad/sad moments lately than I really care to share. I'm hating Albuquerque more than I have been for awhile. Tonight is my mom's birthday, and they're having cake at Boobecca's, Katy bringing her date du jour. And I'm missing it. It really makes me want to bawl. I'm realizing that blogging is the best way I have of keeping in touch with my sweet sisters, and I am dropping the ball. I check on their sites every day, and cherish the insights they give me into their lives. So, in the spirit of giving it the ole college try, I'll eek out a quick recap of the goings on here in the Krause House.

School seems to be going well for Madeline. At the beginning of last week, I was worrying because her work was being sent home sadly uncompleted. I was worried that we were going to go through the whole issue of her not being willing to work at school again. Those worries seem to have been unfounded, thank god. Her last few days of work last week were stellar. I can tell she's really trying hard and doing everything as she's supposed to. Her teacher actually told me she's one of the top students in the class. YAY!!! We're still battling in the mornings, this morning being particularly heinous, but in general she seems happier, and more willing to be compliant when I ask her to. Zach is happy to have mom and the house to himself for most of the day, although it hasn't made him learn how to crap in the toilet any quicker. This week is officially no more trainers week, please, whatever potty training gods are out there, help me.

As I mentioned before, I painted a wall in my bedroom last week. I know it doesn't sound like much, but our bedroom is kindof huge, and the one wall took about 5 days (a couple hours here an there, as any project being completed by a mom seems to be), and a whole gallon of paint. It's better than the white, but it still needs something. Again, uninspired. I've always had a hard time figuring out what to put on the wall above the bed, and in the 10 years or so that Clark and I have shared a bedroom, I don't think I've ever hung anything above up there, for fear of putting up something that I'll hate. And again, with the perfectionism. Bleh

Clark was out of town last week for 3 nights. I HATE it when he's out of town. He has always had jobs that take him on the road on occasion, but it's been particularly difficult lately. Part of which is probably being stuck here in a town where I have no support system. In Cedar, I could always crash mom's or Becky's for dinner, or just to let the kids terrorize someone else's house for a couple hours. Here, it's all me, all the time. This has actually been underlying a lot of my mad/sad issues the last week or so. Two things really triggered it hard. One, Clark got us tickets for Dave Matthews next week at the Journal Pavilion. I've wanted to see Dave Matthews for a LONG time, and when I heard he was going to be here a few months ago I told Clark, we definitely need to see it. He was a dear and hooked up the tickets, since I get all stressed when it comes to putting a credit card number on the computer. So, the time to get a sitter starts getting closer and closer. We call the ONE girl here we know, and of course she will be going to the concert. I think Clark has arranged something, but it requires us taking the kids to someone's house I don't know, and leaving them there until pretty late, on a school night. Not exactly ideal. The second thing was trying to arrange a weekend for me to go to Seattle in November. NOVEMBER, people! 3 months from now. You'd think I was trying to go to Antarctica for a month or something. The hardest thing about both these situations was how completely out of control and powerless I am feeling about being able to be in charge of my own time. I am a slave to my children. I have no one here to help me. I can't take a break, even if I had anything to do. Clark tries really hard, but sometimes it's not enough. OK, now I really am going to bawl.

Monday Morning you sure look fine

2005-08-15T07:12:00.000-07:00

It's much earlier than I typically like to get up on a Monday morning, but Clark left his #2 alarm on when he left for the gym at 5:30, so I got to scramble to turn off HIS alarm at 7. Initially, this didn't make me very happy, as you can imagine, especially since I was having a particularly hard time dozing off for another hour. Then, I start to hear this funny noise. It seems a little cloudy, could it be thunder? Nooo, don't think so. A car engine? Not quite. What it really sounds like is a hot air balloon, but one would have to be practically in my front yard to hear it fire like that. I peek out the window in our bedroom that faces the Balloon Fiesta Park, and don't see anything. Not surprising, since it is pretty cloudy, and I didn't think they went up in inclement weather. Then, I hear the noise again. Not front yard, back yard. I open up the sliding glass door that leads to the little balcony off the master bedroom, and there is a huge, orange hot air balloon floating fairly low, and incredibly close to our neighborhood. Wow. That's pretty cool. I can actually see the flames firing. So, I stand out on my little balcony and watch it for a few minutes, breathing in the cool morning air. Now, as I look out the window again, I can see 5 little hot air balloon friends way out to the west, and one more popping up from the Fiesta Park. Sometimes it's very cool to be up early in Albuquerque.

Anger Management

2005-08-13T13:09:00.000-07:00

Oh My God. Yesterday was such a bitch. On a Friday, even. Now, that's just not right.

OK, I realize that I've been on a bit of a short fuse as far as the anger thing goes lately, and I've been trying to work on it. My first anger management challenge happened as I was dropping Madeline off at school. We decided to go for the new drop off and pick up lane by the playground. I was not at all convinced when I first heard of said new lane that it would work at all. It looked like way too small a space for the amount of kids and cars flowing through on a twice daily basis. Anyhoo, I pull in, hop out of the car, open Madeline's door, help her out, get her backpack on her, kiss her goodbye, give her a few reassuring words, and send her on her way. Right about then I hear "Ma'am." Now, at first I didn't really react, cause I don't consider myself a 'ma'am', but when I hear it again, a little more firmly, I stop getting back into the car and look around. There's a woman in a uniform staring at me (police? I don't know), and she says to me, with a smile, "You're blocking traffic." WHAT? Excuse me? It's the SECOND day of school, and I WILL give my kid a kiss goodbye, you biatch! So, I stare right back, and say curtly, "I'm leaving now."

As I was driving away, I'd be surprised if you couldn't see the steam rising out of my ears and drifting out through the window. I was considering A) driving back around and giving her a piece of my mind, B) going into the school and complaining to anyone who was around about the bitch directing traffic, or C) call the principal and resoundingly denounce the new drop off lane as ridiculous and emotionally scarring. Then I took a deep breath, told myself maybe she was just trying to do her job, and me being a psycho probably wasn't going to help the situation at all, so I did D) proceed directly to the Starbuck's drive thru for a medicinal mocha. Anger management crisis averted. (Tip experts, any opinion on tipping in the drive thru? They have a tip jar out, and I drop a tip about half the time, but somehow tipping in the drive thru seems weird to me.)

The day went pretty smoothly. I vacuumed the hell out of my bedroom, with a certain sense of satisfaction that I wasn't going to wake up the next day and find it all covered in black cat hair again. I worked on a project I've been doing for Madeline's room, a new cool fabric and ribbon covered bulletin board. I think they call them French ribbon boards? For displaying her schoolwork and art projects. I had told her I would have it done by the time she got home, but it turned out we needed LOTS more ribbon than I had purchased. So, I decided, if she was up to it, we'd cruise by the fabric store on the way home. It was pretty out of the way, but I wanted to get it done, and it turned out she was up for it, so off we go. Unfortunately, the fabric store only had one more spool of the ribbon we needed, and I kinda thought we'd probably need 2, but we grabbed the one and headed home.

Part two of the anger management challenge happened on the way home. We were headed down Montgomery, at about quarter to 5. The traffic was starting to get a little heavy, but we needed milk and eggs, so we were going to stop by the grocery store real quick. I'm cruising along, minding my own business, when the car in front of me decelerates fairly rapidly. It looked like the car in front of him was making a left decided he really didn't have time to beat that car coming toward him, and hit the brakes, so we were all doing the hurry up and slow down thing. (Can you see where this is going?) I say to the kids "Oh! Hold on!" and brake firmly. Now, I didn't slam on the brakes, but as the guy in front of me has now stopped, I did stop quickly in order to avoid hitting him. Unfortunately, the guy behind me wasn't paying such good attention (and was obviously following too closely), and I hear a screech, then a crunch as he HIT MY CAR. Fuck Fuck Fuck. I ask the kids if they're ok, and seeing how we're in pretty heavy traffic at this point, proceed to carefully and quickly move to the side of the road. As I am doing this, I see the guy who HIT MY CAR, driving away. God Damn MFing ASSHOLE! I grab a pen and jot down his license plate number as he LEAVES THE SCENE OF THE ACCIDENT.

I am freaking out by this point, and I call Clark. I hadn't even got out of the car to assess the damage. He tells me I need to call 911. I wasn't too keen on that, as it wasn't really an emergency, but say I'll call information and see if they can connect me to dispatch. I get off the phone with him, and hop out of the car to see how badly we've been crunched. Amazingly, I couldn't even tell where we'd been hit, which helped cool the anger a tad, but still. I called the police (finally got through on the second number I called), and they say they're going to send someone over. Of course, you can't really tell how much a car is damaged until you get it up and look under it, so we're now waiting for the cops to come so we can file a report. A nice guy stopped by who had witnessed the accident to give me the jerk's license number, which I was glad to see matched the one I had written down. We ended up waiting for the police for AN HOUR. At which time, Clark showed up from work. We called back the cops, and they said no one was on the way yet, and if we wanted we could file a report at any police station within 5 days. So, I'm going to have to go in tomorrow.

After sitting in the car seething for an hour with two hot cranky kids, I had mostly exhausted my supply of anger. I was totally wiped out, and had a throbbing headache, which was only slight alleviated by Friday night pizza and ice cream. (We finally found a place in Albuquerque for the Krause House Friday night tradition, which is a very good thing.) Today I still have the headache, which could be just stress, or could be some mild whiplash. Another reason to file the police report.

I tried to go to a restorative yoga class this morning, but it was cancelled. Bummer, but no immediate angry reaction. Maybe I'm out. Although if my kids keep jumping on my bed, I may have to dig deep into the reserves. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, and I can stop worrying about the whole thing once the police report is filed. Although we probably should have the car checked out. I hope it's ok. And, I hope the asshole's car is SMASHED!

First day of freedom ..er.. school

2005-08-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

Madeline was successfully delivered to school on time and in good spirits today. Yesterday was rough. I'm having a hard time with her attitude lately. It seems like she's constantly complaining, and forever on the verge of an emotional meltdown, and my patience has been rapidly dwindling. She can be such a little manipulator. Last night, I was asking her (for the FIFTH time) to get in the tub, and, while I wasn't yelling at her (yet), my tone was obviously getting more firm. She starts bawling, cowering on the floor, and says, "You're scaring me!" WHAT?? I was intentionally, and with much effort I must say, keeping from losing my temper, and she throws that out? I hear a lot of, "you're hurting my feelings" too. I tried to explain to her that if she'd just do what I asked her WHEN I asked her, I wouldn't ever have to raise my voice. She gets upset and says I'm yelling at her, and lecturing. (I was not yelling, and only a little lecturing.) I tell her I'm trying to explain this to her because I respect her, and I want her to understand. That if she'd try to respect me too, we wouldn't have to have conflict at all. She SO didn't get it. I ended up just trying to get her to agree that she would try harder to listen and be respectful, and I would try harder not to yell at her. Seeing how I really don't yell at her very often at all, I'm pretty sure I can keep up my side of the bargain, but I'm not sure she's going to even try her side. She just kept trying to justify why she wasn't listening, and how it was somehow my fault. DUDE! HOW, HOW, HOW do you teach a child to be respectful, and take responsibility for their own actions without punishing them on occasion? I don't think it's possible. I'm starting to think it's not possible in general, but I'm holding out hope. Is there some brilliant parenting book or something out there that I'm missing out on? Some miracle technique for instilling good behavior in your child without making them feel threatened or guilty? I always wanted my child to feel like she could talk to me, and we'd discuss things together, and that has SO backfired. She's a constant debater, and she feels like doing what I ask her is totally optional. NO MORE. I am drawing the line in the sand. Talk back to me, and you WILL get spanked. Sorry. Has to be that way.

Whew. OK, time to stop venting. Moving on. Trying to allow and make space for the good behavior to happen. I have been working hard at "catching her being good", positive reinforcement, and all that. It does seem to help increase the positive behaviors, but doesn't do too much in decreasing the negative ones. I think probably a big part of it for me is that she's changing so fast, physically and emotionally, it can be hard to keep up. I really don't know how people can do it with more than 2 kids. This is PLENTY of drama for me, thanks.

Anyways, we got to school with no major drama this morning. After last night, I was mentally preparing for dragging her kicking and screaming into her classroom, so I was pleasantly surprised when she cruised right in with no muss, no fuss. A couple girls called out to her from the playground on our way by from her class last year, and I think that made her happy. There was also a very sweet girl from her last year's class who's in her class this year, and sits in her little desk cluster. So cute, they have their own desks this year. It's starting to feel like real live school more than just kid corralling. Zach and I hung out for awhile and helped get school supplies sorted, and names put on glue and scissors. There were a couple other moms with little kids there too. It was really nice. Her teacher last year would only have moms in to help without the toddlers in tow. So, unfortunately for me, that meant I wasn't able to help in her classroom, as we didn't know anyone here, and didn't have any daycare options. Mrs. Moreno seems much more willing for siblings to be around, and Zach really is well behaved in those kind of situations most of the time, so I'm looking forward to being able to be in her classroom more. I was literally giddy walking out to the car, feeling secure that she was doing ok, and engaged in her new class. I REALLY hope that a little more structure and outside interaction will make a big difference with the attitude issues, and not just be one more thing to stress about.

My plan was to seriously clean the house today, what with only one child in it to distract me, but I've blown off the whole morning already. I did manage to get up BEFORE the kids this morning and grab a shower, and that NEVER happens, so I'm feeling pretty good about that. I do need to go through the little piles of Madeline's papers that are floating around and decide which drawings to save, what stuff is from last year that can be thrown away, and what to hold onto, and then of course where to put it. The neverending sorting of the crap. My favorite.

Just Because

2005-08-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to write about today, but since I'm being hassled by my sweet sisters to post something, I figured I better. So, here's a brief update on the Krause House goings on. Madeline starts school Thursday. That's right, THIS Thursday. Clark bought her some new tennis shoes while we were in Flagstaff this weekend, and that pretty much wraps it up for school shopping. There are the official school supplies to be obtained, but I haven't decided if I should shop for the list I got off the internet, or wait until the teacher adds whatever he or she might add to the official list. We still don't know who her teacher is going to be. I had thought we'd maybe get a letter from the school, but still nothing. Nothing on the internet either. In Utah, they post class lists on the front door of the school, so we made a special trip to the school yesterday, but no lists there either. I have no idea how or when we're supposed to find out who the new teacher will be, but we better figure it out soon.

Madeline is somewhat apprehensive, and feels like summer was too short, but she's not having the daily meltdowns I was expecting. We stayed and played on the school playgrounds yesterday after having not found out who her teacher will be, and I think it might have reminded her that school can actually be kinda fun. I hope so anyways. I'm saving my own personal school panic for the first day. After our experiences last year in moving her to a new school, I'm a little concerned about her behavior and attitude this year, but hopefully she will get a wonderful and brilliant teacher who can manage her better than her mother currently does. Anyone think that will actually happen? Nope, me neither.

Zach is doing pretty good. He's looking pretty funny right now in the aftermath of a bad haircut, and a fall at the breakfast restaurant in Flagstaff our last morning there. He bit his lip in a couple places, and managed to bruise his chin pretty good. Talk about drama. I didn't actually witness the fall, but the blood spewing from his mouth afterward was enough to throw me into panic mode for the rest of the day. Don't you hate that? When you kid gets hurt and you have to stay calm so they don't freak out, then you spend the rest of the day with this residual adrenalin heart racing wanting to throw up kind of feeling? Add to that having to say goodbye to Boobecca, and a healthy helping of PMS, and I was in rare form for the drive back to Albuquerque. And, well, pretty much the whole next day too. Wow, I really do suck sometimes.

I'm feeling a little better today. PMS is still kicking my ass, but I'm feeling a little more capable of kicking it back. A whole night full of sex dreams does wonders for a girls positive outlook. (Woo Hoo!!) Trying to decide if today is the day to bust out the "Organic Garden" green paint for the accent wall in the master bedroom. Maybe after lunch. We're going to try to go out to lunch with Clark since our opportunities for lunch out as a whole family will be significantly curtailed by the start of school. Speaking of, I guess it is approaching lunch time, and maybe we should all get dressed now. TTFN

Parting is such sweet sorrow

2005-08-01T09:11:00.000-07:00

It would appear that we have lost our cat. We acquired the cat right around when Clark and I got married. She was found by a friend of ours in Parowan, and Clark rescued her from being taken home to see how she got along with said friend's two very large dogs. I enjoyed her somewhat as a kitten, but Clark had a bad habit of playing rough with her and letting her bite his hands and wrestle. This, of course led to us having a cat who didn't know how to play nice. She used to attack us at night while we were sleeping, so I insisted she be chased out of the bedroom at bedtime. She also was merciless about clawing the furniture. I tried my best to allow her to claw one of our old crusty chairs in the office in the hopes that she'd stop clawing the new couch in the family room. No luck. She destroyed (I mean, seriously destroyed) our 2 couches, and the box spring in the bedroom, and when she put a large scratch down the side of our new leather chair I insisted she be declawed. I also learned pretty quick that I have a serious aversion to cat hair, probably since I never had pets as a kid, and my mother is a neat freak anyways, but I couldn't stand the nasty black cat hair EVERYWHERE.

She was pretty happy in our first official house. She was obviously an inside cat, since she had no claws by this time, but we had an old basement (pioneer era, dirt floor and all) that she liked to hide and play in. We didn't see too much of her unless it was really cold and she came up to sleep by the fireplace. The trouble started when we moved into the new house and had Madeline. A move and a new baby didn't do much to impress the cat. It probably didn't help that she didn't have a hiding place any more either. She started pissing on my new carpet, which I must tell you, I was totally unimpressed with. I, having my hands more than full with a brand new baby, told Clark it was going to be his responsibility to clean up after the damn cat. He didn't do such a great or thorough job of it, unfortunately, and she continued destroying the carpet. This was the beginning of the end of my tolerant relationship with the cat. I eventually had professionals in to clean the carpet, which included replacing the carpet pad, and several stages of nasty chemicals. The pissing on the carpet seemed to get under control, but shitting and vomiting on the carpet were still very regular occurrences.

Enter, child #2, sweet Zach. As I've mentioned before, Zach is/was terrified of the cat, for reasons known only to him. So now, the cat was not only a mess making, fur shedding, nuisance, she was freaking out my kid. Forgive me, cat lovers, but I was starting to hate the cat. As much as I tried to care for her, it's just not in me to be a pet person I'm afraid. The cat and I started giving each other a wide margin around the house most of the time. When we decided to move to Albuquerque I told Clark I really didn't want to move the cat. I was stuck in Cedar by myself for the last month or so, and was NOT going to manage driving the kids AND the cat to Albuquerque. He made a half-hearted attempt at finding the cat a new home, but didn't. When he came home for Christmas, I laid it on the line, the cat will not be in my care when you leave, whatever that means. So, he took the cat back with him to his little studio apartment. Whatever. The new house has white carpet (who's great idea that was I have no idea), and the black cat hair is an even bigger pain here than it was there, but we do have a laundry room for the cat box, which is a huge improvement over it being in my closet, which is where it was in the old house. She has also regrown a few claws, and had started destroying furniture again.

To wrap up this cat story, which is getting too long, a few days ago, Clark asked me when the last time I saw the cat was. I had no idea, hadn't even really noticed that she wasn't around. OK, so, we assume she's hiding somewhere, and will show up again soon. Another day goes by, no cat. So, night before last, Clark goes on the cat hunt. The cat is not hiding, as a matter of fact, is not anywhere in the house. Neither of us has any idea how the cat would have got out, or where the cat might be. She's not typically the type to run away or try to get out, and the couple times she's wandered out the back door, she has immediately cried loudly to be let back in.

Clark is pretty sad about losing the cat. I feel for him, and I know his sorrow is real. I, however, am feeling just a tad guilty that I'm not really sad about losing the cat at all. I'm choosing to believe that she got out, and had one big kitty adventure out there in the big world, and that if misfortune has befallen her, it was quick and painless. The kids haven't really noticed that she's gone, and I'm not sure how we'll approach it with them when then do notice. I'm thinking I'm going to go for the kitty adventure track, but maybe without the possible misfortune aspect. In any case, it seems to be farewell to the cat, may you find peace and lots of couches to shred in your next incarnation.

I know, I know

2005-07-29T07:04:00.000-07:00

In response to my lovely sis's comment about my serious blog slack of late, I'm going to try to recap the last week for her and/or whoever else might be reading. I have a few excuses, none of them very valid, but here goes.

I got really sick on Madeline's birthday. I'm still not sure if it was the bug they had catching up to me, or some kind of hypoglycemic crash, or dehydration, or what, but I was sick as a dog for a couple days. Of course, it hit me like a truck as I was decorating the house for the grand birthday celebration, with 10 minutes until the little birthday girl was to be home for her special 'mommy decorated the house for her' surprise. At that time I was thinking it was the hypoglycemia, so I called Clark and said keep the kid in the car and we'll run over to Applebee's (her choice for bday dinner) and get some food in us. Then, I started throwing up. God, I hate throwing up. Stupid me, I still thought, can't ruin the kid's bday, must buck up and go to dinner. Which only accomplished more throwing up in the Applebee's bathroom, and in the car on the way home. MISERY. We managed to get home, complete the decorating while the kids were waiting in the car, and get the presents open before I had to retire to my bed in the hope of passing out for a few hours. Bless little ones and their ability to focus entirely on themselves, I don't think she even noticed.

I did manage to get her to her last day of Ballet Camp. Which, she didn't want to go to, but since I had hauled my sick ass out of bed already, and we were working on the finishing what you start thing, she went. All in all, Ballet Camp was a bit of a disappointment. It was too long, and too hot, and too much standing around tapping your toe kind of thing. It was just too much for her in general. I'm not sure when we'll revisit dancing again, but next time I will make sure it's more relaxed and fun. I was proud of her for finishing though.

Finished Harry Potter over the weekend, since I was still feeling a little icky, and had a good excuse to lay on my bed and read most of the time. Liked it lots, still can't quite believe the ending, but I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't finished yet. I am curious about Missuz J's 2 things she had been expecting and 1 thing she hadn't. I think I know the 1 thing, but not sure about the 2 things. I'll have to remember to ask next time we talk in realtime. I kinda feel like going back and reading the first couple books, back when everyone was young and innocent, and the bad man wasn't back yet. I think they might be my favorites.

So, after recovering completely from my wretchedness, I had this burst of working around the house energy. The kids and I took a trip to Lowe's. God, I hate that place sometimes. I've bitched about my Lowe's experiences before, and this time was no exception. I did know what I wanted, and mostly where it was, so that wasn't a big deal, the issue this time was the HUGE tantrum Zach threw as we were getting ready to check out. Yelling. Screaming. Trying to yank my shirt off. Tantrum from hell. I think he's having his 2 year old behavior issues a little late. He was a really easy 2 year old for the most part, but man, since he's turned 3, he's been a pain in the ass on occasion. Follow that up with Madeline refusing to eat in the restaurant we went to for lunch (mostly as a treat for me, but I did allow her to pick the place) because they had only brought her ONE spoon, and as everyone (should) know, macaroni & cheese CANNOT be eaten with the same spoon used to eat applesauce. After this day, I had pretty much decided we were all just going to sit around the house for the rest of the summer. One of those bad mommy days.

I spent the next couple days painting the upstairs bathroom yellow. I feel quite a sense of accomplishment about that, since I did it all by myself. Clark was out of town for work, so it was all me. As I have mentioned before, I sometimes have a hard time making decorating decisions, due to my often overwhelming perfectionism. I'm working really hard on just doing it though, and for the most part I'm enjoying the results, even if they may not be quite perfect.

Oh! I almost forgot to mention the yoga workshop on Sunday. It was awesome. SOOO glad I went. If only for the experience of sitting in a room with 40-odd strangers, and enjoying the energy of it. The material was interesting, and I did have one fairly significant insight into what's been going on in my shoulder and neck lately (other than spending too much time on the computer of course, that couldn't be it). I'm very interested in specific therapeutic applications of yoga, and would have enjoyed more of the actual yoga part of it, since we spent most of our time in diagnosis of each other, but it was fun to put on my teacher hat again for a minute, and pretend I knew what I was doing. OK, not pretending so much really, but it certainly did get me thinking of teaching again. Who knows, we'll see.

OK, kids are calling for breakfast. Time to feed the munchkins.

Just DO IT

2005-07-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

Well, she went to dancing today. After a brilliant conversation with her father last night, she decided that she wanted to. (THANKS HONEY!!) And, she came out crying, again. I showed up early to watch for a few minutes, and they were doing Flamenco, just like yesterday. (Flamenco is HUGE in New Mexico) She was kinda participating this time, at least she wasn't sitting in the corner, but by the time they were out the door, she was in tears. Apparently the little girl behind her in line told her to go when they were leaving and Madeline wasn't moving fast enough for her. I don't think she was trying to be mean, but Madeline didn't like it. Jee-sus she is SO sensitive! I'm aware that Cancer's are a sensitive bunch, but this child is taking it to a whole new level, and I don't know what to do about it, other than assure her that she's ok, and move on. Usually it only gets worse if I allow her to dwell on it. I don't want to invalidate her feelings, but sometimes I wish she'd GET OVER IT.

I'm trying to get up the nerve to go to a yoga workshop this weekend. I've been doing yoga for about 11 years now, and taught in Utah for 2. The workshop is 4 hours Sunday afternoon, which is pretty tame as far as yoga workshops go. It's working with yoga as a therapeutic tool, and I've heard the teacher is AWESOME. Actually, my current teacher, Kim, said she's awesome, and Kim rocks my world on a regular basis, so I hold his opinion pretty high. I don't know what I'm so scared of. I mean, I realize that I've been slacking on my yoga lately, particularly over the summer with traveling and Clark's new job, and the sick kids and all, but it's not like I'm totally without experience here. Working with Kim had been an eye opening experience for sure. I do have my days where I start thinking, dang, I guess I've been doing this wrong for a decade now. But then I have to tell myself I'm just moving to a new, deeper level of understanding both of the poses and of my body. I just wish I felt stronger in my practice. I wish I had a shred of a home practice. I wish I didn't have to judge myself CONSTANTLY. I know that the things I wish for will not happen unless I make/allow them to happen. We'll just call this putting my intention out there as far as yoga goes. Gotta start somewhere.

Kid Rant

2005-07-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

The vomiting is officially behind us. Thank GOD. Now I get to be irritated about entirely new things. Yay.

Madeline is driving me a little nuts today. It's her birthday tomorrow, as EVERYONE knows, from my blog buds, to the cashier at the grocery store, and I'm busting my ass to make it a fun one for her. I wasn't able to swing a party with friends, since we don't have any here, and she did say she'd like a family party, as long as I decorated the house for her. So, today, while she was at ballet camp, Zach and I went to the party store and spent $50 bucks on streamers and balloons and flowery leis to make a Lilo & Stitch/Luau Birthday Extravaganza for her. Then I ran over to Target to pick her up a new ballet skirt to wear to ballet camp on her birthday. Mind you, this is all in practically 100 degree weather with a 3 year old in tow.

So, I get over to the ballet studio with a few minutes to spare so I can watch her dance for the last part of class. Can't find her anywhere. She's not in studio 1, or studio 2, and I start to panic, darting back and forth between the viewing windows, using the mirrors to examine every corner of said studios, checking the dressing room, and the bathrooms. Finally, a teacher comes out of one of the studios and I ask her, where's Madeline? Turns out, Madeline had a tough class, and was laying down on a bench in the corner of the studio (just out of sight of moms and mirrors). Her class comes out and she's bawling, and telling me that it was "a total nightmare" (her words). Of course, none of the other kids seem to have experienced this "nightmare" she was speaking of, but maybe they hide it better than she does, who knows. Somehow I doubt that.

Bottom line is, she doesn't want to go back. Now, I paid $100 dollars (not counting tights, ballet shoes, and a pink leotard) for her to go to this camp, which she already missed one day of from being sick. She's gone to a whole 2 days, and doesn't want to go back. What should I do? I don't want to force her to go on her birthday and make her miserable, but I also don't want her to just quit. I'm at a loss. She's had such a crap attitude about this kind of stuff since we moved here, it's like she's channeling my mother in law or something. It's as though she has to find the worst part of any situation, and bemoan that, to the exclusion of allowing herself to enjoy anything. How do I encourage her to try hard and find enjoyment in her efforts? Thoughts? Anyone?

Sick Kids SUCK (not for weak stomachs)

2005-07-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

The vomiting started at 1am. It has continued pretty much relentlessly since then. I can't figure out what caused it. My husband is of the opinion that it was the hot dogs for dinner (which I am POSITIVE were not expired), I'm thinking more along the lines of the public pool yesterday. Zach is running a fever of 101.1 at the moment, but hasn't thrown up since 3:30ish. Madeline is asleep at the moment, and since she didn't listen to mommy's advice to take SMALL sips of water, most recently threw up all over the downstairs bathroom floor. Let me tell you, vomit and tile are not a nice combination. I doused it all liberally in Lysol Kitchen cleaner, but am still not feeling great about cleanliness down there. Clark was sweet enough to do most of the middle of the night throw up cleaning, which included, but was not limited to, Zach's bed, the hall carpet, and himself. I was juggling the vomiting children at the time, but still think I probably got the easier job. And when I say juggling the vomiting children, I am not kidding. At one point Madeline actually threw up on Zach, while he was trying to get out of the way after throwing up in the toilet. Bless his heart for getting to the toilet at least once. Unfortunately, this means Madeline didn't get to start ballet camp today. She's really disappointed. So am I for that matter. Fingers crossed that she'll feel better by tomorrow and will be able to catch up fast.

Pre-sick kids, the weekend was pretty nice. Went to a little dinner party at Shawn and Christine's temporary house. They will be moving into the brand new house which is currently under construction in a month or so. I met a nice gal with a couple kids who traded phone numbers with me, hopefully one of us will call the other for a playdate. Madeline had a swimming lesson on Saturday, after which my lovely honey stopped at Border's and picked up the new Harry Potter for me. I had been resigned to getting it sometime in the next few weeks, after the hubub died down, so I was very happy and surprised.

Oh, we almost got hit by lightning Friday before our dinner party. I mentioned this briefly in a comment to Kodi, so sorry about the repetition, but there is an update. As I said before, out of the middle of nowhere, huge, blinding light, accompanied simultaneously with the loudest crack of thunder. I could literally feel the air pressure change. It was super scary. One of those things that you immediately look around for damage or fire. Well, we didn't get damaged, but a house on the next block from us was hit, and burned. We didn't notice it at first, as we were immediately on the road to Shawn and Christine's, but when we got home, the fire trucks were still there. Drove by it yesterday, and the whole roof is burned off. Crazy.

Watched some Tour de France on Sunday (well, and Saturday too). Our boy Lance (YUM) is still in the yellow jersey after two punishing days in the Pyrenese. I'm SO excited! I want him to win SO bad! Having this much coverage available really makes you realize what a huge event this is. Three weeks of racing, some days with 6 hours on the bike. Insane. Rest day today, so I'll have to just be patient and wait for tomorrow to feed my addiction.

Wow, I wasn't expecting this much time to blog this morning. Things are quiet for the moment, so hopefully the rest will help my poor little buggers. Please, god, let today be better than last night. I'm here all alone and REALLY don't want to be stuck cleaning vomit all day.

Back in Business

2005-07-14T09:56:00.000-07:00

OK, time to stop reading and start writing. I got my internet connection connected again yesterday (YIPPEE!!!), and have been spending the time since catching up on my reading, when I can wrestle Madeline away from Barbie.com. So, I guess it's time to write. It has been, what, 2 weeks? And I hadn't even written about the rest of the vacation yet. I don't know where to begin. We'll try chronologically, but no promises on continuity there.

The rest of the vacation was nice. I didn't get to see as much of my sweet sis Becca the last week as I wanted to as she was working, but we'll make up for it sometime soon, hopefully. Honestly, though, I'm having a hard time recalling what we precisely did do that last week. The weather wasn't being particularly cooperative, so we spent more time than I'd have liked cooped up in grandma's house. Friday night's karaoke was definitely the high point for me. I didn't sing, but got to hear Bec, Kodi, and Paul, so that rocked. Also danced my pants off with Jen. I do LOVE to dance. One of the things I have to admit I enjoyed about the church in California were the abundance of dances. Pretty much every weekend in the summer we'd travel around the central coast, hooking up with more oppressed mormon kids to dance, dance, dance. Didn't do so much in Utah, and of course, once you're an official grownup, the opportunities for dancing ones pants off are few and far between. Who would have thought it could be accomplished in a dive bar in southern utah. Not moi! Thanks to all who came out and played, hope I didn't embarrass anyone too much.

We stopped overnight in Flagstaff on the way back and stayed at the Little America there. I get teased for it, but I kindof love the Little America. Many of you will have no idea what I'm talking about. I should figure out how to put links in here so you can see for yourself. It's a hotel chain that originated in Wyoming, and one of my earliest memories is having my first BLT in their fancy restaurant with my dad in the middle of the night on some crazy roadtrip we were being hauled on. I had to have been around 4. Their decor tends toward over the top, and I was incredibly impressed with the sparkly chandeliers. Needless to say, it made a serious impression. Clark and I have stayed in the one in Salt Lake (the 'Little' one, not the 'Grand' one) on several occasions, and have also stayed in the one in Flagstaff more than once, but usually just to crash on our way to somewhere else. Becca and I stayed there for mother's day, and my appreciation was increased. Yes, the decor is a little yikes, but it's always clean, always quiet, always comfortable, and the service is always great. Anyhoo, we have also learned since deciding to stay for a day with the kids that the pool rocks too.

Clark started his new job the day after we got back. He ended up not being able to take any time off in between jobs again, since he had a client in town the day before he was to start. He wasn't able to take any time off when he started here in December either. That's 3 jobs in a row with not one day off in between. Yikes. I have been feeling a great deal of gratitude toward my lovely husband lately. He's been stressed, because it is physically impossible for humans to make that kind of change without stressing to some degree, but he's been really great about being present while he's at home with the kids and I. I know how lucky I am to have a man who is willing and able to take such good care of his family.

The kids and I have been kicking around the house, doing the typical summer vacation stuff. For me, that has been obsessively watching the Tour de France. (Lance is y.u.m.m.y.) We've been watching the tour together when we could since we got married. The last few years we've managed to be on vacation in Yosemite during July (Clark's family has a small cabin up there), and caught the coverage on Outdoor Living Network, which is the only place you can see the whole thing. So, we've hooked up for the million channels of Dish Network in order to have OLN just to watch the tour. The kids are, of course, enjoying the quadrupling of the kid channels too. I'm telling myself it's just for one month, and it's too hot to do much outside, and it IS summer, aren't you supposed to veg out at least part of the time?

The kids have been to the pool a couple times with Clark. While I love swimming, I HATE shaving the bikini line, so I've let that be one on one dad and kid time for now. The pool is also located at his new gym, which I am not yet a member of. Oh well. While Madeline was swimming with dad on Saturday, Zach and I went to Target. Very successful Target trip. Got a bunch of birthday shopping done for Madeline (July 21), and got myself a new yoga outfit for a great price. Stocked up on some household items, and found a super cd holder for all the kid game disks that pile up around my computer.

While Zach went swimming with dad on Sunday, Madeline and I went to the theater. It was awesome. They have a family series at the Albuquerque Little Theater downtown. This time it was "Free To Be You and Me". Apparently it was a book (and tape?) for kids in the 70's about self esteem and such, and has since been adapted to the stage. I was unfamiliar with the book, but then again, my family was out of the country for much of the 70's, so they missed a bunch of that great 70's stuff. It was Madeline's first experience with live theater, and I think she dug it. She sat on my lap for most of it, which I can't complain about. She won't fit for too much longer. There were lots of kids onstage, and lots of songs, even though there wasn't much of a plot line. Their next production is Stuart Little, followed by Ozma of Oz in the spring.

Live theater is one of the things I like about Albuquerque. An abundance of live theater. One of my buds from college, Vic, is actually a working actor here. I had my stint in college of doing the theater thing. Not unlike littlest sis Katy. I was much more a behind the scenes kind of girl though. I liked being a part of it, but did NOT crave the spotlight. Now, I am a great appreciator. I had a long chat with Vic about this a few weeks back. It is amazing to me, the people who put so much time and effort and, well, their essence I guess, into creating a live performance. Something that exists only for the time it is being performed, and then it's gone. And god bless those who are willing to do the work for next to no money. My all time bestest bud Stine, and her lovely honey, Lyam, have been doing fringe theater in Seattle for about 10+ years, and I have seen some of the most impressive performances ever on that small stage, from actors who weren't getting paid diddly squat.

OK, time to wrap up for now. Madeline is chomping at the bit. I was going to try to do my grocery list writing assignment from Nicole today, but it'll have to wait til either later this evening, or tomorrow. I also haven't forgotten about being 'tagged' or whatever. I'll try to do that soon too. It's kinda fun to have blog assignments. Keeps me thinking, which is good. Glad to be back in the blogdom. Thanks Beck for posting that cute comment about my internet accident.

p.s. For PDD, in response to your comment about the last minute reprieve you're holding out for from the mormons, unfortunately, if you were baptised, and then left the church, you don't get the last minute out, it's straight to hell for those who heard the word and rejected it. Ah well, Steve's not worried. : )